Thoughts of a Servant

I have been praying for quite some time now, over a year or two, on what it is I am supposed to be doing with my life.  I have been waiting and praying that my own ambition doesn’t get in the way of God’s purpose.  And I am super stoked, and at the same time extremely nervous / hesitant, to say that my prayers are slowly being answered.

I have had such an amazing life so far.  Friends, family, co-workers, everyone I have met has made an impact on my life.  My childhood couldn’t have been any better with such amazing parents guiding me every step of the way, my high school years were merited with challenges, successes, and failures–  college was a huge growth period for my faith, and I currently have a comfortable life in Orange County / LA (The capital of business and “dreams” and sunny weather ).  My job is one of a kind and I am so very thankful that God has given me the opportunity to work for 2Advanced.

But now there are hundreds of thousands of empty pages in front of me.  My prayers have been adding more and more empty pages as I await my next step.  The anticipation for direction had been killing me, and sometimes it became unbearable– even asking if He really does have a purpose for me…  But after some time of waiting…  I finally have an answer in progress.

Thursday, March 6th at 1:30PM I was sitting in a park overlooking the entire valley.  I was praying once again for direction and for God to reveal where my heart resides.  He answered me with something that I knew I was born to do.  He is calling me to Tanzania.

I have been being prepped with the CHE program, I have been to South Africa and left my heart there,  I even met someone who lives in Tanzania that would be able to be a foundation for me, I have started taking Swahili (their primary language), I have also been immersed in learning more about faith, and reading the Bible, for a reason.  All of the arrows are pointing toward a mission in Tanzania.

In Tanzania I will be around all of my desired missions: Child Soldiers, Human & Child Trafficking, Poverty and Community Development, and Church Plants.  I believe that this is my calling, and maybe a single entity that combines all of these passions.  And now my prayer is that it is indeed Him telling me to go, rather than my own ambition– and that it would still remain free form to his plan rather than mine.

Now, I am SOOO stoked to say that I am extremely passionate about this calling.  I know its dangerous, I know its a major risk from my chill pad here in Orange County– but let me put it this way…

I have been given so many gifts: such a great family, so much knowledge, so much “stuff.”  And this is exactly what the disciples had– they had families, they had a life, they had jobs– and Jesus asked them to drop everything and pick up their cross.  I believe that this is what he is calling me to do.  He desires for me to pick up my cross.  He is wanting me to display my faith, and trust in Him, by considering this life (OC lifestyle) as rubbish compared to his purpose for me in Africa.

Like always, the passage this Sunday seemed like it was geared directly at me.  On this great Mother’s day, I was sitting there with my amazing mom listening to the pastor talk about Philippians 3.  In this chapter Paul is writing a letter to the Philippian church talking about this life and their desires.

He mentions that if they have reason to think that they have merited God’s love because of their good deeds, then they are wrong– because Paul could easily think that as well:

 

If anyone else thinks he has reasons to put confidence in the flesh, I have more: 5 circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; in regard to the law, a Pharisee; 6 as for zeal, persecuting the church; as for legalistic righteousness, faultless.

The Holy Bible : New International Version, electronic ed. (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1996). Php 3:4–6.

 

Meaning, that Paul could easily think that he was indeed meriting God’s love because he was a Hebrew of Hebrews, a pure blood, and a follower of the law (to precision — aka Pharisee).  Meaning that if you gave him a law, he would keep the law– and therefore was right with God.  But then he goes on to say:

 

7 But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8 What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. 10 I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11 and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.

The Holy Bible : New International Version, electronic ed. (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1996). Php 3:7–11.

 

So he finds this life rubbish.  The life that we would consider perfection, complete, and meriting God’s love is completely false.  He (and I) want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.

In hearing this call to Tanzania, I must pick up my cross, consider this life rubbish, and go to serve with God in Tanzania.

Wow, what kind of love?

Today is the first day that I can answer it truthfully…  This is the kind of love that never fails, never waits, is unconditional, all powerful, unbreakable, worth dying for, and worth living for.

I just wanted to share a really cool point I heard in Francis Chan’s service today.  He was talking about when he went to Vegas when he was younger and he thought he would try gambling some money in order to get some money to pay for this speeding ticket that he had received while on his way to speak at a camp in Utah.  He started with 2 dollars and just kept letting it ride.  He kept betting it all and watching it double.  Eventually, he had a 100 bucks sitting on the table, and had to make that decision to fully pay for the ticket by doubling or to back down.  He ended up losing all of the money on the table.

He goes on to show how this relates to our faith.  For instance, if we were to talk to someone in India that was considered an “untouchable” or slums in Africa, or anywhere really– and say, “Drop everything and follow Jesus”… How easy would that be?  They would reply “Okay” in a heart beat.

But if you were to come to my neighborhood in Orange County, and ask, “Drop everything, Follow Jesus– he has a better life for you” They would just look at you like your nuts– “Why? Can you see how much I have?!?!”

Same thing with our early faith.  We are fearless when we are first Christians, talking to everyone and preaching like mad.  But eventually we get more involved with faith, more educated, more knowledgeable.  Then people start respecting the knowledge we have and we become conscious of our messages, and eventually conscientious of our ministry.  We have more to lose when we think we have everything…

But whom would you rather follow when you know that Jesus has something amazing planned for you versus what you can do on your own?

Thursday night, I met a girl at a salsa club that I very rarely go to.  She is really nice and fun.  But the story gets much more interesting.  As if your not interested already — Haha.  Well I was out at my car ready to leave, and I forgot my keys in the club.  So I run back to get it, and on the way back in she stops me in her car and invites me to a bon fire that friday.  It is through her church and they were just going to do some fellowship.  I was like, THATS dope.  God is just placing good people for us to fellowship with.

That Friday I decided to head on over there to Corona Del Mar for the fire.  Plenty of people there, but the best part of the night was talking to her.  Delphine has such an amazing story.  She grew up in Rwanda!  My ears were glued to her words as she described the war.  She is an actual survivor of that war– Her family was actually in Hotel Rwanda as the riots and UN were dealing with the war.

I have been overwhelmed lately– God is just opening my eyes and my heart to so many people and so many faces of his Children.  She has such a heart for God– and even after enduring all of that pain.  I am so blessed to have spent time with her, and I look forward to talking with anyone and everyone.