Thoughts of a Servant

Do you believe in fate, destiny or purpose?   This question has been daunting me the last few days because I came to this profound realization and re-realization that I am nothing but a servant.  I can’t really say that I believe in destiny beyond that we were destined to have a purposeful life.  There is no doubt in my mind that I have been blessed– blessed financially, purposefully, career-oriented, merited many awards and medals, many strong friends and family members, etc. but what is it all for?  I am not saying this to give me any glory whatsoever.  I am interested in the meaning behind it…

It also ties into many discussions that I have had with my roommate about our journey together.  We grew up in a small town– check.  But.  I can go so far back with “what ifs” and it is exactly how I got here today:

1. My mom saw an  ad on the morning news and in inspiration thought that it would be beneficial for me to go to a vocational school and learn animation.   So we decided to pursue it cause it would be fun for a teenager.  This would prove to be a miracle in itself.  I was too young to enter the school, but they, for some odd reason, decided to make an exception and accepted me.
2. Without Mr. Burke at RTI, I wouldn’t have had the chance to win multiple awards which improved my resume, artistic value, and cultural awareness.  I expressed a lot of my ideas and faith in my artwork and it received much recognition.
3. Without a successful run at RTI I wouldn’t have gotten a scholarship to go to the art institute of OC to pursue animation.  And my roommate had a large part to play as he was with me along this journey.
4. Without pursuing animation and working at EON Reality, I wouldn’t have exposure to programming…
5. Without my roommates urge to go to this girls birthday (brothers long distance crush on this girl was the only connection we had, never even met her) I would have never heard about Rock Harbor.
6. Without AI, I wouldn’t have been near the church that gave me my biggest awakening to missions (Rock Harbor)
7. Without being a part of Trinet Solutions, EON Reality, and Freelancing, I wouldn’t have ever landed a job at in the 2Advanced spectrum.
8. And now I have a killer job with crazy awesome co-workers, with super cool missional friends and a servant’s life– And the most interesting thing is that I would give it all up if someone would come to know the Love that I have in my heart which only comes from Jesus.

Now, what if all of this was a purposeful chain of blessings that enabled me to talk to someone that needed to hear Christ’s love?  Whether its at my work, my home, my neighborhood– Who knows what kind of effect you have.  These blessings keep us moving in a direction of purpose.  And the realization is, I have been impacting people along the way, and there have been people who have severely impacted my life which God placed in my path.  Just this simple illustration shows that there is a bigger picture, but I could go on for pages and pages about how my journey has been molded by events and experiences and people that have loved me.

Who knows how many people I effected along this journey…  Negatively, or positively.  How many of those people know that they have impacted my life?  And I must say, this is only my career path– There are so many other factors to this story… I am just in awe at its complexity in design and execution… And all I had to do was say, “Yes.”

The more you rely on God, the more he provides.  My new friend told me of his story today.  It flippin blew me away.  He was called to be a missionary and when he first started he needed funding for this trip– it drained all of his funds and he had $2 bucks to his name.  Then the basket came around at church and he felt God saying to give it up.  He did just that, and felt completely reliant on God.  When he was walking out to his car, he met a businessman who wanted to know more about his trip and then wanted to sponsor him with $25,000 to start off.  This meeting eventually became an ongoing thing where he was able to graciously provide for God’s servant.

This gentleman now goes to a different location every 3 weeks or so for the past 7 years relaying the Good News to people in powerful ways.  And he is the most humble servant I have seen.  But it was when he gave his all that his mission started.

Powerful story.  Makes ya think.

Its crazy–

Most of my friends are going on a mission this summer and I cannot tell you how much endurance training we are getting collectively and individually.  My roommate is going to the Philippines, and his team is experiencing funding and a large relational battle between their team members– My awesome friend is going to live in South Africa for a couple of months teaching, and she is faced with finding a new home, funding, and family she will miss.  Two of my other friends are in Haiti right now which I am sure are going through some rough times. The South Africa team is going to Bridges in July and they are experiencing some relational and personality clashes… There are also a few doctors I know that are going to Haiti for dentist visits, and there is always the accommodation and schedule battle.  I am going to Tanzania with my team, and I have been having a difficult time finding funding, and just this morning I had to spend nearly $400 bucks on my truck because it was towed .

But let me tell you, put all of this aside, all of the tribulations– all of the fear– all of the pain, there is something amazing going on here.  All of these tribulations means that we are on the right track, and the Enemy is attempting to slow us down.  We must stand firm in the faith.  Knowing that our brothers around the world (very apparent from the facts above) are enduring the same type of pain (via 1 Peter 5:9).

I can’t talk for the others, but for myself: of course, getting towed was a bummer for me, but looking past it and seeing that it is only a factor of Spiritual Warfare greatly shows that God is so much bigger than a puny 400 bucks.  I have this faith in my God.  I still pray for protection, but these tests are endurance builders.  Stay strong.

What kind of love.

Wow it has been a while since I have done anything  on this blog.  So many things have been going through my head regarding Tanzania, along with many other things.  What would it look like to live in Tanzania. How much time would it take me to adapt to the culture, language, people, food, worship, etc.

So in essence, there are a lot of fears– A lot of things that I worry about– income, security, “destiny” (whether am meant to live here and support, or live there), etc.  And it also makes me wonder if I would regret giving everything up?  When people switch jobs and it isn’t what they expect, they regret it.  When people move to different locations, sometimes they regret it… How many people say, “Oh I wish I had taken advantage of that.”

But let me ask, how many missionaries go out into their calling and say, “Man, I wish I didn’t do that.”?

I remember Russell mentioning that missions is a call to worship.  And its interesting because I am looking at the challenge ahead of me, and there is absolutely no logical reason for me to go.  All logic points at me staying here and continuing the great life I have going now.  But its a call to worship?!

I often wonder about this trip to Tanzania, and if it is a permanent thing, what does it mean to me… And WHY does it mean that much to me…

Here’s the thing.  Its a cliche saying, but our whole lives we go searching for something– an unknown satisfaction– an unknown purpose.  And most of us, unfortunately, do not realize that purpose.  And this is because we are searching for the wrong thing.  If we seek purpose in ourselves, we will find failure– but the truth behind our seeking is the finding of worship.

Take a handful of the many African individuals who have had to face reealll tragedy.  They travel from Sudan to Tanzania and Kenya in search of safety, security, and a home because they have lost everything.  This trip is over 1000 miles, and they do it on foot.  This trip isn’t just a relaxing walk either– they are traveling through rebel-infested territory, desert, and forest terrain– resources are limited, medication is non-existant, food is scarce, and loneliness is their worst enemy.  And there is a good chance that they are there alone because they had witnessed their families deaths by a machete right in front of them.  How many of us could say that we have experienced that type of pain?  Not many, but when I look at their life, they have pure joy and continually praise God.  AND on top of it all, when they worship– they worship.  They are dancing, jumping, singing, etc.  But if even one of those things happened to us, or even a diluted version of such tragedy, we would question why God hates us.

I seek the worship that these disciples have.  I admire their joy and want to be in community with them.

What kind of love.

I write this with extreme urgency to get my thoughts out in the open:

It has been a while since I have opened up a theological book strictly because I needed time to digest the other material and try and focus on my relationship.  But here is the deal,  I open up CS Lewis’ book and page one starts off with an endearing quote:

The Son of God suffered unto the death, not that men might not suffer, but that their sufferings might be like His.”

George Macdonald

Immediately, I begin thinking of my prayers.  Everything that I pray for, parents, friends, family, and also for boldness, for situations that would test my faith, and for the armor to withstand that faith.  Well let me say that I am sorry!  I am truly sorry that I am praying for you because I have put you in a vulnerable state.  I am truly worried for you if you are in my prayers… And here’s why:

I truly believe that prayers work.  The persistence of prayer is an amazing trust in an Everlasting God, and your prayers go heard, and will be answered in the best possible manner (which isn’t necessarily how you want it).  But, if we look at Job, he had a great life and then God strengthened his faith by allowing suffering (more explanation of my claim in this post about Abraham) to enter his life, and he still continued to praise.

Where here is the thing.  I have been praying for you– that if you don’t know this Love, that you would come to know it.  But let me say that I strive to be like these biblical disciples– And that means that trials, persecution, and tribulation is-a-comin.  And I worry that as temptation, situations, and things start to happen to me, that they might include you.  The pain that is inflicted on me, to strengthen my faith and persistence, will in fact be a test through my family members, friends, family, relationships, well-being, and security strongholds.  And I know that it sounds scary, but it is truthfully, undeniably, and fearfully realistic.

If you, my loved ones, are not prepared to endure this type of test, then that proves you to be an easy target.  There is an armory available, free of charge, to you– and together as an army we are stronger than the lone warrior with only one shield. And I pray that you join me in this battle.

“Let you alone! That’s all very well, but how can I leave myself alone? We need not to be let alone. We need to be really bothered once in a while. How long is it since you were really bothered? About something important, about something real?”– Ray Bradbury

When I was in high school I met this girl name Kate.  She was competing at SkillsUSA in Kansas City at the same time as we were, so its a cool opportunity to meet peeps from across the country.  Well, I just found her blog and wanted to do a shout out to an absolute change in heart to where it excites me to say that our God is working everywhere and all the time.  This was taken from her blog:

Coming to Christ was the most exhilerating thing I had ever experienced. For the first time in my life, I was truly happy. I remember shortly thereafter, my friend Colin coming home from boot camp, and when he asked “What’s new?” all I could say was, “Everything…”

Thats pretty cool, and a great description of the life you lead after accepting Christ– It is a difficult path but a path worth travelling.

It even gives me chills to hear about the things happening with my bro now attending Cape Town University where he plans to be the next president of South Africa with God as his leader.

So many amazing things are happening, concurrently– Hearts being broken, churches being reformed, lives being changed– in short: life is happening.  And quite frankly, I don’t think we are ready for it, but thats the exciting part!

What love

I just read an article on this and it said that in the Jewish culture, they would (1) prepare the body, (2) place it in the tomb, (3) on the third day they would move the stone in front of the tomb, and shout the name of that person three times to make sure they were dead.  Then they would move the tomb stone back and declare them officially deceased.

Well, when Jesus resurrects Lazarus, he specifically waits until the fourth day knowing that the Jewish people would have declared Lazarus completely dead.  Then he goes to the tomb and calls his name once and Lazarus comes forth.

That’s pretty cool, Jesus’ timing everywhere in his journey is immaculate.  And sometimes we don’t recognize that the same concept of timing is essential for us as well.  Jesus could have raised Lazarus an hour after he died, but he didn’t.  And while others might have doubted his powers, it was essential to wait until the fourth day because then the Jewish people would have no excuse that would limit God’s power.  Interesting.

What kind of love.

Most of my friends have brothers / sisters or have this super extravagant, extroverted personality– and its interesting because they immediately think that I am supposed to be just as outgoing.  This is something that I have struggled with and will continue to struggle with, so its an issue in progress, but let me say that this is my thoughts on the subject.

When you look at extroverted personalities, they have a way of uniting people and are naturally fun to be around.  That persona has a certain purpose in life, but there are the “others” who are more introverted that play in intricate role in a group. When I was in Africa (and many other situations outside of Africa, this is just recent), I experienced this expectation (they didn’t mean to, its just natural in an environment that involves different personalities) of introverted vs extroverted personalities.  Some expected me to be like others when in reality it just pushes one even further away.  For example, if you try and bring an introvert to an extrovert, it just makes them more introverted. And when this unknown expectation (even to me at the time) was bestowed on me, I became quiet and needed to back away.  Some of them freaked out and thought I was gonna do something stupid, which I thought was kind of funny.  Looking back on the blogs, I was just thinking through some situations that I had encountered.

Seriously, I am not joking about silent people playing an intricate role in a group.  There is a reason you can’t have a group of leaders; and you can’t simply have a group of followers…  In a view of love languages, you can consider an introvert as a large contributer of support.  The extrovert needs that follower to fulfill their role.  And vice versa.

But here is the thing– I consider my personality a bit different.  I am somewhere smack dab in the middle.  Leader of introverts, follower of extroverts.  You can put me in a group setting and I am perfectly content, I will socialize, and I can certainly lead if needed– but if there is already someone assuming a leadership role, then I can easily take a back seat.

Age vs. mental capacity is also a huge one for me.  I grew up fast learning a lot about business, work ethics, career  paths, etc.  That in return kept me around individuals who were a bit older than I was therefore heavily influencing my mindset.  And as a result, I cannot simply revert back to a “college mindset” where partying and simple living exists.

But at the same time, there is an stereotypical age barrier that lives, unknowingly, between themselves and their view of me.  A stereotype of age influences their view of my intellectual being while it has little or no effect on the actual level of mental awareness.

So these two factors places me in a position where it is difficult to relate with people of my own age, but at the same time difficult to get people around my mindset, but not my age, able to believe me when I say I am 21.

Just as a side note.  When is the last time you just sat with someone without having to say a word?  I have noticed that many people down here feel they need to fill in the silence with chatter.  And I found that I am closest to those who I don’t have to fill in the silences.