We were going to villages, coffee houses, street vendors, drivers, pastors, mothers, fathers, children, etc.  And they were so eager to hear about Jesus.  They had never heard the Gospel, and it made complete sense to them even with all that they have been through.  For me to sit there, having heard the Gospel my whole life (and eventually became immune to it), was very humbling.  I know the Gospel, and I didn’t respect / realize the power.  The power of the good news is within the Holy Spirit.

I can say this confidently, because so many times: I have started trembling, I have delivered (what I thought) was a cruddy representation of the Truth, and the Holy Spirit intercepts my words and tells their heart the Truth.  He is working, He is working through us. And by no means is it on my power or my words, but I am simply relaying his gift.  He is doing all of the heavy lifting–

Coming home is always a shocker.  Not so much this time, because I knew that the Gospel was mine to share.  I want to share it with everyone, and I might even be called to go to Belize over the new year to share the Good News.  But today I needed to focus on my community.

Evangelism (aka Sharing) is a gift… And I believe it may be something I am gifted with.  Which completely baffles me.  I am a quiet person, I love to listen and to learn, but very rarely do I have words to speak.  But I have noticed, when you talk about the Gospel I am either all words or completely tentative with my ears.  With that said, evangelism is not something you turn on and off with missions trips.  It is something that goes with you all the time.

I have been praying that this passion would continue, and today I saw a man on the corner of Bristol and MacArthur by Chik Filet.  I drove past him on the way to Michaels for some craft stuff.  I heard this voice in me saying to talk to him.  I was like, OK, if he is there on the drive back I will surely stop and talk.  And behold, he was still there–

I went and parked the car, walked all the way over to see him, and offered to grab a meal with him.  He replied that he needs to be on the corner to get some money because he needs money at the moment.  Then God opened the conversation about Jesus.  And it was a great conversation, he had a lot of anger towards God and how he could let so much pain happen to him and in this world, etc.  He is a veteran and generally joyful guy.  Super nice, and his name is Ted.  I had the honor of praying with him, and I ask you now to pray that God would work at his heart, and that these seeds would grow to be a towering tree of life within his heart.  I could tell there was something in his heart that wanted to believe Jesus, there are just layers of doubt and pain that God can take care of.  I pray for you Ted.

God is Good.  What kind of Love.

Change is apparent in growth– Change is present in life– Change is a catalyst of revival and fresh starts, it also fosters new relationships and new opportunities.  But in most cases, change is really really hard.

I like this girl, but many emotions are involved and things have slowed down because of it, but I have full faith that if God has a plan that it will be executed with absolute precision– and that if I am to know this girl more, that he would bless it.

One of my roommates moved out, the other one I have known for many years — and now we are going out into the world in separate directions.  My passion has changed to Africa, to missions in general, to living a life for those lost sheep.  Family, attitude, security, vulnerability, everything is scattered.  The more relationships you have, the more change you see.

Its rough.  I have no clue how I could be doing this without God.  My parents are there, but my God is also very much so with me.  And there is no moving him from me.  There is so much going on, I have no stability– no security– in the things of this world.  The only secure thing I can rely on is that my God has a plan.  And I find excitement in that.

Wow to all the emotions that we feel.  We are true creatures of divine creation.  Blessed by him to feel, see, experience, listen, hear, talk, and walk a life of purpose.

Bring on the madness, bring on the life.

What kind of life.

Its funny, because she will worry and worry about me, and I will jus tsay that everything is going to be okay– but what interests me about her worry, it is the same worry I have for these lost individuals who don’t know Christ.  I worry for their safety, because if they do not receive a chance to know Christ, how can they accept him?  I worry for their well-being, nutrition, education, etc.  These are qualities that my mother utterly longs to provide for me.  And like my mother, I would do anything for them.

And it is truly amazing to view the connection between my mother and father.  They both possess these unparalleled values and have given me quite a foundation to base my faith.  And I couldn’t thank God more for giving me the foundation to go out into this world.

But on a much deeper note, being a parent has been increasingly apparent in my life because of some amazing information.  And I am beginning to see the glory of life, unlike I have ever seen.  I am striving to be an equal combination between my mother and father, and how God was to me.  Being a Father to the Fatherless, being a Mother to the Fearful, and being a ambassador for a God most high.

These are not easy roles.  They cannot be accomplished by even my best efforts.  They can only be accomplished by a Hand greater than ours.

What kind of life.

Dear Africa, you are a very spiritual nation.  With that said, I bring forth my faith, that I am being called to come to you.  I am being called to share my love with you.  I want to share stories with you and learn from you, and maybe in the end share some Africa tea.  I want to experience the world as you experience it, that you might see an eagerness in my heart for you.  I am pursuing you the way that Jesus pursues us that you might know him.

Dear Africa, shall we dance.

Dear Africa, The last time I was there you broke me.

Dear Africa, The last time I was there you found me.

Dear Africa, I am looking to return the favor.  But not in my name– a much bigger name

Chivalry has always been a part of our lives.  He once told me that if I were to bring a girl home crying because of something I did, it would be the end of me (^__^).  And there were no more truer words than those of his strictness and love.

I began thinking about what it means to be a father.  What type of job description does it deserve?  What kind of boyscout badge do you have to get to become a father? I mean, what is it about being a father that makes it the hardest thing you will ever do, and at the same time the most wonderful and most fulfilling thing a man will ever be.  And I am still, and will forever, be asking myself that question.  Because this is the question of my life.

When I look at my dad, he has been a stronghold for me.  Some people say you can’t get emotion out of men, but I’d like to say differently.  It’s not the emotion you’re are looking for.  The emotions that emit from my father are through his actions and often what he chooses not to say.

For instance, when I was little, I was boyish enough to touch the oven burners thinking that I was cheating death.  It was like an amazingly risky thing to do for a young boy.  And my father had warned me that the burners would be hot someday.  But I knew better, I knew it all.  Until I came to a realization that I, in fact, DIDN’T know it all– and was holding my hand in a bandage, outside the window of the car from being utterly scorched by the burner from HELL haha. But I certainly learned from that day.  If my dad had just kept on telling me not to do it, I would have never learned how to do it– by choosing to let me experience it at my own will, he initiated me a little bit more into manhood.  Had he protected it from me, I would have never grown to know my own limits.

But what can I say about my dad.  He is an amazing man.  You can give him a machete and a piece of bread, send him into the woods, and he will build you a shopping mall in 6 days.. Play chess on the 7th.

He once told me this analogy in his endearing voice that our family was a light unto the world and he was the house on a stick and my mom was the light in the house– and I was a bird or something hahahah.  But what was profound about that analogy was the fact that his eyes captured the moment, and you know that every word that he mentions is key in our purpose and true to his heart.

Well I must say that I have been receiving these urges to care for a son, or a daughter, or a friend.  I have been having these urges to help, to serve, and to please God.  And for all the things my God and my father has done for me, I say that I now want to be a father for those who never had a father like mine.  I want God to use me like he used my dad.  I want to be at least half the man that he didn’t have to be.

I want to be a Father to the Fatherless, wherever that may be.  My heart is for Africa, maybe that’s where I am going.

Well, it was my first time at a church service there, and as we were praying I decided to look up (I know, i’m sorry, I should have been praying– but I wouldn’t have this post if I didn’t look up ) and noticed the stain glass window in the corner of the room illuminating its radiant colors.  And while it may seem like an acute event, it was actually surprisingly symbolic and a rhetoric of what was actually happening.  I could so clearly hear God telling me what I needed to hear.

This story goes back to when the Mormon missionaries came to my place and we chatted for a while.  They used this analogy of a stain glass window to explain the book of Mormon and how there were several pieces missing in the church from when Jesus died and when Joseph Smith found the scriptures.  This encounter with Joseph Smith basically restored the stain glass window.  Using all of the parts of the modern church along with the Book of Mormon.

I have a couple of thoughts about that specific analogy, but I want to somewhat avoid it in this post– because this window concept is too beautiful to dilute it with debate.  I just had a hard time seeing their analogy– I always saw the stain glass window as complete, and we were a piece radiating our own color.  We were part of God’s beauty because we are resurrected within it.  We are the church, we are the undiluted beauty (but only a glimpse) of what true beauty is.

So as I sat in church, sending my bro off to the Philippines, and noticing that almost all of my friends are going on missions this year, it absolutely astonished me as to how this stain glass window is imperative in understanding how God, which is true pure white light, could use us to illuminate an entire room full of radiant colors.

I was writing letters to my kids with these pamphlets that they send me.  They have colorful titles, activities, and stuff… They are awesome for these kids.  I can only imagine the joy they have when a sponsor sends their kid a packet.  But the title of this packet was “Study Well.  Dream Big.  Reach High”  and several letters in, it actually hit me.  It hit so hard my eyes were watering as I thought more and more about it.

Where along the way did our dreams get killed?  It is such a steady progress that we don’t even notice that we don’t dream anymore (I use the term lightly).  Some would say that we just “exist.”  That’s when people lose their fire, their passion, their drive, their care.  And that is saddening.

I had to sit there and think about it, what is my dream– or am I one of these people that subconsciously thinks we just, “exist.”  And as I write these inspiring words to these kids, how many of them do I actually display with my life?  How can I possibly say, “Dream Big kid,” when I am afraid to do so myself?

In the Bible, dreams are unbelievably symbolic in their meaning– but I don’t remember the last dream I have had besides being licked to death by legion of popcorns (a dog).  Which I don’t think is terribly symbolic hahahaha.  But, I do dream of something in each day I am alive:

All throughout my day, throughout my night, I ‘dream’ of something glorious.  Something that will be present in my life and allow me to bless others.  I dream of this overflowing passion that will consume my grief, greed, and pride as it pours into this world.  I dream of these relationships that honor the one that Created them, I dream of a passionate fire that longs to see others experience the same peace.

I can’t believe this dream almost passed me by. I had almost forgot about it.  When I started this blog, I didn’t know that was my dream– I started this blog with buckets in the eyes, but as I look at it– I have a dream that surpasses all dreams, but I don’t have to sleep to see it.  I am dreaming it every hour, every second, every moment in my day.

My dreaming is a longing, an utter heart-breaking longing for others to know Jesus.  And he just keeps telling me to follow Him.  But he keeps saying, drop your life and follow Him.  Which is almost a nightmare for me haha.  But in light of who he is, I think its time that I do it.

What kind of love.

Mind you, these people were flooding from all around, and they had already been accepting what he was hearing… And then Jesus goes on an ABSOLUTELY mind-boggling healing streak: Heals a man with leprosy, gives a centurion faith to heal, casts out demons from multiple people, sends demons into pigs, calms a raging sea, casts out some more demons, heals the paralyzed, a woman that had been bleeding for 12 years had been healed because of her faith, raised a man’s daughter from the grave, blind men were given sight, mute men were given breath, and casting out of a few more demons.

What kind of FAITH is that.   That is the faith that I desire.  I want and do believe that God can do anything.  Nothing is too big, nothing is too small.  ’O me of little faith, why do I question.  Why am I surprised if something amazing happens?  Why am I disappointed if something I expected doesn’t happen only to realize that something bigger is in the midst?– I am thinking too small.  Why me of little faith.

The next part of Matthew is pretty darn convicting.  At the end of Matthew 9 Jesus says, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few.  As the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.”  There is a ministry that I know of called “Harvest India,” what an unbelievably righteous and relevant name that is.  But he is basically saying that we are to have faith that we are one of the workers, and we should be praying for other workers to join in on the harvest.  But a few things to note:

Its not a vacation.  We are the workers of the harvest, that means work!  We will be challenged, we will be weary, tired, etc.  We can’t do it alone, but there is a large reward in the midst.  It is something that has taken years upon years to create (the fields), and God has been planting seeds like crazy…  And we are the little workers that are to go and collect the harvest.

I pray every day that God would remove me from the vices in my life.  Debt from school, cards, etc.  From comfort zones and security enforcements… From what I think I know of the Bible… From what I think I know about community, relationships, people, and life.  And that he would put me in a situation where I must depend on only God.  Pray that he would take my life and use it wherever he wants me– because that is my true purpose.  And I cannot describe anything more fulfilling.

What kind of love.

PS- I’m not one for slow songs, but every now and then I enjoy a moving song.  Check out this song.

Supposedly God said to his children that you will be tested and some of you will not make it–  Then we were sent to Earth (we were graced by God to have human form because we chose God’s truth rather than Lucifer).  Now Earth / Mortal existence is considered a learning ground and a way for us to fully show our dedication to God.

Talking with the missionaries, they never really gave me a clear answer as to how someone would go to Hell.  They did acknowledge that there is a Hell– but they believed that after this death we would go to one of the three heavens: Celestial, Terrestrial, Telestial, depending on how good we were in keeping God’s commandments. Jesus’ death, if I perceived it correctly, is an option (should you so believe it) to get to the highest level of heaven where God resides: Celestial.

However, I suppose there is the spirit world is our next stop after this death. And if you do not accept Jesus in this life, you have an option to do so in the Spirit world.

This spirit existence, where living things are composed of organized, refined spirit matter, extends beyond the human family and includes animals and plants. Little is revealed about plant spirits beyond the fact that all living things, including plants, were created as spirits before they were created with physical bodies (Moses 3:5, 9).

And in the event of death, whether good or evil, you will return to the Father…  A comment from Joseph Smith:

The spirits of all men, as soon as they depart from this mortal body, whether they are good or evil,…are taken home to that God who gave them life, where there is a separation, a partial judgment, and the spirits of those who are righteous are received into a state of happiness which is called paradise, a state of rest, a state of peace, where they expand in wisdom, where they have respite from all their troubles, and where care and sorrow do not annoy. The wicked, on the contrary, have no part nor portion in the Spirit of the Lord, and they are cast into outer darkness, being led captive, because of their own iniquity, by the evil one. And in this space between death and the resurrection of the body, the two classes of souls remain, in happiness or in misery, until the time which is appointed of God that the dead shall come forth and be reunited both spirit and body, and be brought to stand before God, and be judged according to their works. This is the final judgment [p. 448].

And in that life it is exactally the same as this life:

The postmortal spirit world is an actual place where spirits reside and “where they converse together the same as we do on the earth” (TPJS, p. 353). “Life and work and activity all continue in the spirit world. Men have the same talents and intelligence there which they had in this life. They possess the same attitudes, inclinations, and feelings there which they had in this life” (MD, p. 762).

The postmortal spirit world is a place of continued preparation and learning. In this sense, it is an extension of mortality. Those who have died without an opportunity to hear the gospel of Jesus Christ will have opportunity to hear and accept it in the spirit world. “The great work in the world of spirits is the preaching of the gospel to those who are imprisoned by sin and false traditions” (MD, p. 762). The faithful elders and sisters who depart this life “continue their labors in the preaching of the gospel of repentance and redemption…Among those who are in darkness” (D&C 138:57; Smith, p. 461; see also Salvation of the Dead).

In doing some more research, I found a list of several key components in the Mormon belief of what they call Salvation of the Dead.  This relates to accepting Jesus in the postmortal spirit life.

1. Life is eternal. Birth does not begin life nor does death end it. In each stage of existence there are ever-higher levels of divine enlightenment and blessedness.
2. Repentance is possible in the next life as well as this one. “There is never a time when the spirit is too old to approach God. All are within the reach of pardoning mercy, who have not committed the unpardonable sin” (TPJS, p. 191).
3. The family bonds extend beyond death. The family bonds that are formed on this earth and consecrated to God by sacred covenants and ordinances are indissoluble and extend into the spirit world. “They without us cannot be made perfect—neither can we without our dead be made perfect” (D&C 128:15; Heb. 11:39-40).
4. Ordinances may be performed for the dead. Through the holy priesthood, held by the prophets in the Church, Jesus Christ has authorized mortals to receive ordinances “of salvation substitutional” [that is, by proxy] and become “instrumental in bringing multitudes of their kindred into the kingdom of God” (TPJS, p. 191).
5. Temple ordinances are not “mere signs.” They are channels of the Spirit of God that enable one to be born of God in the fullest sense and to receive all the covenants and blessings of Jesus Christ. The performing of earthly ordinances by proxy for those who have died is as efficacious and vitalizing as if the deceased person had done them. That person, in turn, is free to accept or reject the ordinances in the spirit world.

I find those extremely hard to believe with what I know to be true of the Gospel.  That all sins are equal in the eyes of God.  And I come to believe that yes, we are bonded till death due us part, because after that we will be forever married to the Bridegroom known as Christ and the church.  We will be one with God.

Its amazing how much one can add on to the Bible.  They would recite this information to me in a manner that used the Bible to justify the Book of Mormon and each of these doctrines.  But the truth behind it is the misuse of exegesis.  Jesus’ word is full, complete, and absolute.  No additional supplement is needed.  The Mormon’s refer to their book as “Another Testament of Jesus Christ” or something like that.  But why is it “another”?  They say it is part of the Bible, but the word “another” is a word I use for “supplemental flavour.”

Be weary.  Things are dangerous.  I am in prayer that I might understand their faith more. That I might learn their faith and be able to share my faith.  As Paul put it, we need to know the enemies faith more than they do.  So that we might become like them to save at least one.

Father I pray for the diligence, boldness, and open heart of love to share with these brothers.  Please keep me open, that I might understand, and they might see You in me.

Coincidentally, yesterday, the Mormon missionaries showed up at our door.  I had thought it was the kids from down the way wanting me to give them a toy again, but to my surprise it was my prayers being answered.

I readily invited them in and gave them some water as it was flippin scorching hot (even in our apartment), and they had to wear those suites haha.  And for the next 1-1.5 hours we were talking about the most interesting subject matter.  Between my coworker buddy and the missionary conversation, we discussed several key components around the perception of faith… To name a few:

• The disappearance of the church between Jesus’ death and Joseph Smith
• The multiple levels of heaven and the general application of each level in relation to that of our soul (Celestial, Terrestrial, and Telestial)
• The magnitude of sin
• The history, life, and death of Joseph Smith– along with his visions, anointment, etc.
• The will and purpose of God and how that relates to the dark ages of the church (my favorite)
• Authority of the church and how it came to the LDS church. (also a favorite)
• Other religions and the single thread of justice, aka golden rule, that joins all religions
• The inspiration, validity, and history of the Book of Mormon
• Gold plates (book of Mormon) and the symbolism of Gold in the Bible.
• The definition of “Good” and how that relates to the Mormon faith

It was clearly a full-featured discussion.  And I excitedly welcome this kind of talk, because if there is a question that I know not the answer, I can look it up– and from there I am strengthened.  These gentleman were very kind, and were somewhat surprised at our welcoming into our home.  It is not often that missionaries get the hospitality that Jesus’ requires of us, and I too am guilty of it.  But I am trying to change my life to love others the way Jesus loved us and eventually died for me.

These questions are not easy to discuss, and I have become more aware at how careful I must speak, because I am no longer representing just myself.  I am now representing a God most Holy, and he must speak through me.  I don’t know what I am talking about, but God has the big picture.  I am not about to change their faith, but God can live in their hearts, and they can begin to ask questions.  I am nothing, He is everything.

Its interesting, because every time I talk with them– they begin by mentioning that we believe in the same basic foundation, love, and faith– But by the end of each conversation I am utterly convinced that the only thing that we can agree on is that there is a God.  Everything else is interpreted differently… Everything.

There is hope, there is Love- there is a dying hunger for me to share and listen with these individuals and with other faiths.  I want to be doing this type of evangelism.  I want to be strong in God’s word so that I might perform great services for God.   With that said, I told them that they should come back soon and we will do a BBQ and talk some more.  But this time, we will all be wearing shorts.