Pain, aka sin, entered this world when we were separated from God.  This is back in the Garden with Adam and Eve.  We were tempted and ate of the fruit, and immediately sin was made known to us. So we were separated from God and Heaven.

Now consider this, we know God to be all powerful.  He could eradicate sin all-together… But in order to do so, he would have to get rid of all sinful nature and all sinful thoughts.  And if that were the case, we would all be destroyed.

At the same time, he cannot make our minds completely pure and holy, because that would overrule the gift in which he gave us: free will.

So how does he solve this?  He sends His own Son to take our pain upon himself and become the Lambs sacrifice that we wouldn’t have to suffer any longer once we die.  This doesn’t mean that our life becomes pretty, it means that God can dwell within us now that the sacrifice has been made.  With that said, God is waiting for us to let Him into our hearts.  It is a free gift.  And if we choose to do so, our joy will be complete and we will be reconciled with God when he comes again.

And this is the power of the Gospel!  It’s not by the deeds you do, it’s not how goooooood you are, etc.  A friend of mine shared this story at the coffee shop in Tanzania:

Consider this: You and I are walking down the street, and I steal your watch and run away to the next village where you cannot catch me.  I live there for several years, but feel guilty for stealing your watch.  So I decide that I am going to help out in the orphanage and serve in the hospital and even go to church.  I do all of these things because I feel bad that I stole your watch.

Now, several years later, I return to the village you are in.  And you say to me, “You stole my watch!”  And I reply, “I know, I am sorry; but I worked in hospitals, orphanages and went to church.”

That doesn’t really match up, does it…  The good things you did cannot outweigh the single bad thing.  You will still be angry, and the only way you will be joyful is if I return the watch with my heart.

That story shows that we were sinful towards God.  And the only way we can be with God again is if sin is taken from us– Which Jesus did on the cross.  Now were able to return to God with his arms wide open.

What kind of Love!

Change is apparent in growth– Change is present in life– Change is a catalyst of revival and fresh starts, it also fosters new relationships and new opportunities.  But in most cases, change is really really hard.

I like this girl, but many emotions are involved and things have slowed down because of it, but I have full faith that if God has a plan that it will be executed with absolute precision– and that if I am to know this girl more, that he would bless it.

One of my roommates moved out, the other one I have known for many years — and now we are going out into the world in separate directions.  My passion has changed to Africa, to missions in general, to living a life for those lost sheep.  Family, attitude, security, vulnerability, everything is scattered.  The more relationships you have, the more change you see.

Its rough.  I have no clue how I could be doing this without God.  My parents are there, but my God is also very much so with me.  And there is no moving him from me.  There is so much going on, I have no stability– no security– in the things of this world.  The only secure thing I can rely on is that my God has a plan.  And I find excitement in that.

Wow to all the emotions that we feel.  We are true creatures of divine creation.  Blessed by him to feel, see, experience, listen, hear, talk, and walk a life of purpose.

Bring on the madness, bring on the life.

What kind of life.

Its funny, because she will worry and worry about me, and I will jus tsay that everything is going to be okay– but what interests me about her worry, it is the same worry I have for these lost individuals who don’t know Christ.  I worry for their safety, because if they do not receive a chance to know Christ, how can they accept him?  I worry for their well-being, nutrition, education, etc.  These are qualities that my mother utterly longs to provide for me.  And like my mother, I would do anything for them.

And it is truly amazing to view the connection between my mother and father.  They both possess these unparalleled values and have given me quite a foundation to base my faith.  And I couldn’t thank God more for giving me the foundation to go out into this world.

But on a much deeper note, being a parent has been increasingly apparent in my life because of some amazing information.  And I am beginning to see the glory of life, unlike I have ever seen.  I am striving to be an equal combination between my mother and father, and how God was to me.  Being a Father to the Fatherless, being a Mother to the Fearful, and being a ambassador for a God most high.

These are not easy roles.  They cannot be accomplished by even my best efforts.  They can only be accomplished by a Hand greater than ours.

What kind of life.

Chivalry has always been a part of our lives.  He once told me that if I were to bring a girl home crying because of something I did, it would be the end of me (^__^).  And there were no more truer words than those of his strictness and love.

I began thinking about what it means to be a father.  What type of job description does it deserve?  What kind of boyscout badge do you have to get to become a father? I mean, what is it about being a father that makes it the hardest thing you will ever do, and at the same time the most wonderful and most fulfilling thing a man will ever be.  And I am still, and will forever, be asking myself that question.  Because this is the question of my life.

When I look at my dad, he has been a stronghold for me.  Some people say you can’t get emotion out of men, but I’d like to say differently.  It’s not the emotion you’re are looking for.  The emotions that emit from my father are through his actions and often what he chooses not to say.

For instance, when I was little, I was boyish enough to touch the oven burners thinking that I was cheating death.  It was like an amazingly risky thing to do for a young boy.  And my father had warned me that the burners would be hot someday.  But I knew better, I knew it all.  Until I came to a realization that I, in fact, DIDN’T know it all– and was holding my hand in a bandage, outside the window of the car from being utterly scorched by the burner from HELL haha. But I certainly learned from that day.  If my dad had just kept on telling me not to do it, I would have never learned how to do it– by choosing to let me experience it at my own will, he initiated me a little bit more into manhood.  Had he protected it from me, I would have never grown to know my own limits.

But what can I say about my dad.  He is an amazing man.  You can give him a machete and a piece of bread, send him into the woods, and he will build you a shopping mall in 6 days.. Play chess on the 7th.

He once told me this analogy in his endearing voice that our family was a light unto the world and he was the house on a stick and my mom was the light in the house– and I was a bird or something hahahah.  But what was profound about that analogy was the fact that his eyes captured the moment, and you know that every word that he mentions is key in our purpose and true to his heart.

Well I must say that I have been receiving these urges to care for a son, or a daughter, or a friend.  I have been having these urges to help, to serve, and to please God.  And for all the things my God and my father has done for me, I say that I now want to be a father for those who never had a father like mine.  I want God to use me like he used my dad.  I want to be at least half the man that he didn’t have to be.

I want to be a Father to the Fatherless, wherever that may be.  My heart is for Africa, maybe that’s where I am going.

Well, it was my first time at a church service there, and as we were praying I decided to look up (I know, i’m sorry, I should have been praying– but I wouldn’t have this post if I didn’t look up ) and noticed the stain glass window in the corner of the room illuminating its radiant colors.  And while it may seem like an acute event, it was actually surprisingly symbolic and a rhetoric of what was actually happening.  I could so clearly hear God telling me what I needed to hear.

This story goes back to when the Mormon missionaries came to my place and we chatted for a while.  They used this analogy of a stain glass window to explain the book of Mormon and how there were several pieces missing in the church from when Jesus died and when Joseph Smith found the scriptures.  This encounter with Joseph Smith basically restored the stain glass window.  Using all of the parts of the modern church along with the Book of Mormon.

I have a couple of thoughts about that specific analogy, but I want to somewhat avoid it in this post– because this window concept is too beautiful to dilute it with debate.  I just had a hard time seeing their analogy– I always saw the stain glass window as complete, and we were a piece radiating our own color.  We were part of God’s beauty because we are resurrected within it.  We are the church, we are the undiluted beauty (but only a glimpse) of what true beauty is.

So as I sat in church, sending my bro off to the Philippines, and noticing that almost all of my friends are going on missions this year, it absolutely astonished me as to how this stain glass window is imperative in understanding how God, which is true pure white light, could use us to illuminate an entire room full of radiant colors.

I was tired last night from the horse races, so I went to bed around 8.  That made me awaken at 3AM the next morning!  I was ready to go.  The world was asleep, and I was in awe.  I went to work and did some letters to the kids, people I know, etc.  Read the Bible.  Got a hair cut right when it opened and taught the hair ladies a little salsa .  A new awesome friend needed help getting some furniture from her old place, so we took care of that.

But I told them I would be there at 12 noon, which means (for me) that I will be there at 11:55 or something like that.  I am very rarely late…  But they were not ready so I just chilled out in the car.  There was this man from Jamaica, and he was chilling in this store.  I said, Lord, if he instigates a conversation or eye contact, I will talk to em.  Before I could finish that prayer, Joe (the gent chillin), said, “You have the best seat in the house!”  So I walked on over there and chatted while the girls were gettin ready.

By the end of the conversation, we had talked about economics, life, worries, and God.  I was able to pray for him that he would draw closer to God and vice versa.

This was a true answer to my prayer, showing that I could do this anywhere rather than just out of the country.  Because everyone needs Jesus  And it was absolutely perfect timing, because I was praying for him, and then I finished the prayer and the girls were walking right over to the truck.  It’s clear that God wanted me to chat with him.  I won’t forget you Joe.

Then we went out to Elsinore jammin some awesome music and she got to see family, friends, people, etc.  Everything worked out perfectly, they even got to see the nice ride through the 74 Ortega highway with all the bikers.

Then I had the mission meeting for Tanzania and have never been more stoked about the people I am going with.  One of the gentleman converted to Christianity a few years ago after being a Mormon for over 50+ years and is super knowledgeable on the subject– he was a respected elder in the church and pointed out some astounding things that they don’t expose.  Another is a renown evangelist that talks with everyone about Jesus, even if he is in the urinals.  Others are evangelists, teachers, translators, etc.  I feel like I am going to inherit their passion and ignite something in me that is going to last the rest of my life.  I feel like these men will be a great example of God’s love, and that I too will be an example.

For being an introvert, I believe my testimony is becoming more and more extroverted.  I am constantly instigating conversations and praying with others unconditionally.  Which is unheard of for me.  Its an absolute change in heart and mission.

We also played a little basketball, and then came home and went right back out for a last celebration of birthday bachata

I am so very tired right now.  So very tired, but inspired.

What kind of love.

Its interesting though.  When you look at a question, it stems from a fear, or an “unknowing” of a subject.  Kids give you a puzzled look and adults give you an even more stupid look.  Haha (cause they are trying to cover it up).

But riddle me this–

Say you are in your home with your friend, and you hear a freakishly scary sound out back and you don’t know what it is.  You begin to panic and fear for your life, and then you ask your friend what it was.  Your friend tells you that it was just a raccoon in the trash.  Now your fear has subsided.

Even if your friend had said it was the biggest grizzly bear ever, your fears wouldn’t be nearly as great because you knew what was going on.  It is that knowledge that gives us strength.

When applying this to faith: it is exactly what God’s Word is.  When we feel alone, we feel down, destroyed, poor, hopeless, there is a word that will identify those fears.  And it also says that your Brothers and Sisters around the world are enduring that same kind of pain (1 Peter 8-9).

Knowing that you are not alone in your suffering can greatly help you in your faith.  But it all starts in your faith with God and trust in his Word.  Once you can take heart in that, you can be a strong warrior.

Mind you, these people were flooding from all around, and they had already been accepting what he was hearing… And then Jesus goes on an ABSOLUTELY mind-boggling healing streak: Heals a man with leprosy, gives a centurion faith to heal, casts out demons from multiple people, sends demons into pigs, calms a raging sea, casts out some more demons, heals the paralyzed, a woman that had been bleeding for 12 years had been healed because of her faith, raised a man’s daughter from the grave, blind men were given sight, mute men were given breath, and casting out of a few more demons.

What kind of FAITH is that.   That is the faith that I desire.  I want and do believe that God can do anything.  Nothing is too big, nothing is too small.  ’O me of little faith, why do I question.  Why am I surprised if something amazing happens?  Why am I disappointed if something I expected doesn’t happen only to realize that something bigger is in the midst?– I am thinking too small.  Why me of little faith.

The next part of Matthew is pretty darn convicting.  At the end of Matthew 9 Jesus says, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few.  As the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.”  There is a ministry that I know of called “Harvest India,” what an unbelievably righteous and relevant name that is.  But he is basically saying that we are to have faith that we are one of the workers, and we should be praying for other workers to join in on the harvest.  But a few things to note:

Its not a vacation.  We are the workers of the harvest, that means work!  We will be challenged, we will be weary, tired, etc.  We can’t do it alone, but there is a large reward in the midst.  It is something that has taken years upon years to create (the fields), and God has been planting seeds like crazy…  And we are the little workers that are to go and collect the harvest.

I pray every day that God would remove me from the vices in my life.  Debt from school, cards, etc.  From comfort zones and security enforcements… From what I think I know of the Bible… From what I think I know about community, relationships, people, and life.  And that he would put me in a situation where I must depend on only God.  Pray that he would take my life and use it wherever he wants me– because that is my true purpose.  And I cannot describe anything more fulfilling.

What kind of love.

PS- I’m not one for slow songs, but every now and then I enjoy a moving song.  Check out this song.

I want to love people with the love that I have deep in my heart.  I feel so much joy, and I most certainly can’t contain it.  I need to share it.  And I hope I do it accurately and to the full extent.  I want to know others, and make myself (and Jesus) known.  I don’t want people to see me as a “Holy Warrior,” because I am weak.  I am nothing.

I want the trials and challenges, I want the fear, I want the uncomfortable life.  I want to live an extreme life, that I might not miss any opportunity.  That I might live to my full potential in Christ.  I have been blessed, and I want to bestow those blessings to those around me.

So many uncertain things in life.  I have a girl I like, she is missional– I don’t know where it is going (I have an idea), but I am excited to see if this is something that God wants.  And I pray each day that it would be His will, not my desire.  I also don’t know where I will live, where I will work, etc. in these coming years / months.  I don’t know if I will be doing ministry, or seminary, or missionary work…  I don’t know where my friends will be, I don’t know if I will be alive tomorrow.  But I do know that my purpose is to live life.  My purpose is to love.  My purpose is driven by passion for a fire inside of me.

Lets go.  What kind of love.