Thoughts of a Servant

Ya know those really annoying people that ask questions all of the time way back in grade school.  Constant question after question after question– Constant bickering about the subject matter– Constant annoyance to those of us who are brilliant right?!  Well I would say that they probably learned 10x more than I did in those classes.  They had all of their fears taken away when they asked questions.

Its interesting though.  When you look at a question, it stems from a fear, or an “unknowing” of a subject.  Kids give you a puzzled look and adults give you an even more stupid look.  Haha (cause they are trying to cover it up).

But riddle me this–

Say you are in your home with your friend, and you hear a freakishly scary sound out back and you don’t know what it is.  You begin to panic and fear for your life, and then you ask your friend what it was.  Your friend tells you that it was just a raccoon in the trash.  Now your fear has subsided.

Even if your friend had said it was the biggest grizzly bear ever, your fears wouldn’t be nearly as great because you knew what was going on.  It is that knowledge that gives us strength.

When applying this to faith: it is exactly what God’s Word is.  When we feel alone, we feel down, destroyed, poor, hopeless, there is a word that will identify those fears.  And it also says that your Brothers and Sisters around the world are enduring that same kind of pain (1 Peter 8-9).

Knowing that you are not alone in your suffering can greatly help you in your faith.  But it all starts in your faith with God and trust in his Word.  Once you can take heart in that, you can be a strong warrior.

In Matthew (and the rest of the Bible), it is so flippin amazing on how Jesus taught.  Starting in chapter 5, he begins the sermon on the mount.  Multitudes of people crowd around to hear what this man has to say.  And he goes on and on about how Blessed are those who follow his word, and nothing can stand against them.  And for several chapters he talks about how we are to live, to give, to love, to listen, to sacrifice, to fast, to view our neighbors, etc.

Mind you, these people were flooding from all around, and they had already been accepting what he was hearing… And then Jesus goes on an ABSOLUTELY mind-boggling healing streak: Heals a man with leprosy, gives a centurion faith to heal, casts out demons from multiple people, sends demons into pigs, calms a raging sea, casts out some more demons, heals the paralyzed, a woman that had been bleeding for 12 years had been healed because of her faith, raised a man’s daughter from the grave, blind men were given sight, mute men were given breath, and casting out of a few more demons.

What kind of FAITH is that.   That is the faith that I desire.  I want and do believe that God can do anything.  Nothing is too big, nothing is too small.  ’O me of little faith, why do I question.  Why am I surprised if something amazing happens?  Why am I disappointed if something I expected doesn’t happen only to realize that something bigger is in the midst?– I am thinking too small.  Why me of little faith.

The next part of Matthew is pretty darn convicting.  At the end of Matthew 9 Jesus says, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few.  As the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.”  There is a ministry that I know of called “Harvest India,” what an unbelievably righteous and relevant name that is.  But he is basically saying that we are to have faith that we are one of the workers, and we should be praying for other workers to join in on the harvest.  But a few things to note:

Its not a vacation.  We are the workers of the harvest, that means work!  We will be challenged, we will be weary, tired, etc.  We can’t do it alone, but there is a large reward in the midst.  It is something that has taken years upon years to create (the fields), and God has been planting seeds like crazy…  And we are the little workers that are to go and collect the harvest.

I pray every day that God would remove me from the vices in my life.  Debt from school, cards, etc.  From comfort zones and security enforcements… From what I think I know of the Bible… From what I think I know about community, relationships, people, and life.  And that he would put me in a situation where I must depend on only God.  Pray that he would take my life and use it wherever he wants me– because that is my true purpose.  And I cannot describe anything more fulfilling.

What kind of love.

PS- I’m not one for slow songs, but every now and then I enjoy a moving song.  Check out this song.

I can’t do anything but sit in awe.

I want to love people with the love that I have deep in my heart.  I feel so much joy, and I most certainly can’t contain it.  I need to share it.  And I hope I do it accurately and to the full extent.  I want to know others, and make myself (and Jesus) known.  I don’t want people to see me as a “Holy Warrior,” because I am weak.  I am nothing.

I want the trials and challenges, I want the fear, I want the uncomfortable life.  I want to live an extreme life, that I might not miss any opportunity.  That I might live to my full potential in Christ.  I have been blessed, and I want to bestow those blessings to those around me.

So many uncertain things in life.  I have a girl I like, she is missional– I don’t know where it is going (I have an idea), but I am excited to see if this is something that God wants.  And I pray each day that it would be His will, not my desire.  I also don’t know where I will live, where I will work, etc. in these coming years / months.  I don’t know if I will be doing ministry, or seminary, or missionary work…  I don’t know where my friends will be, I don’t know if I will be alive tomorrow.  But I do know that my purpose is to live life.  My purpose is to love.  My purpose is driven by passion for a fire inside of me.

Lets go.  What kind of love.

Mormons believe that we all existed as angels in the War in Heaven.  When the Arch Angel Michael revolted against God with a third of the Angelic army, there were two options of belief.  We had the choice to believe in God or in Lucifer.  When he was cast out of heaven (with his army), he became the Devil and they were unable to have human form.

Supposedly God said to his children that you will be tested and some of you will not make it–  Then we were sent to Earth (we were graced by God to have human form because we chose God’s truth rather than Lucifer).  Now Earth / Mortal existence is considered a learning ground and a way for us to fully show our dedication to God.

Talking with the missionaries, they never really gave me a clear answer as to how someone would go to Hell.  They did acknowledge that there is a Hell– but they believed that after this death we would go to one of the three heavens: Celestial, Terrestrial, Telestial, depending on how good we were in keeping God’s commandments. Jesus’ death, if I perceived it correctly, is an option (should you so believe it) to get to the highest level of heaven where God resides: Celestial.

However, I suppose there is the spirit world is our next stop after this death. And if you do not accept Jesus in this life, you have an option to do so in the Spirit world.

This spirit existence, where living things are composed of organized, refined spirit matter, extends beyond the human family and includes animals and plants. Little is revealed about plant spirits beyond the fact that all living things, including plants, were created as spirits before they were created with physical bodies (Moses 3:5, 9).

And in the event of death, whether good or evil, you will return to the Father…  A comment from Joseph Smith:

The spirits of all men, as soon as they depart from this mortal body, whether they are good or evil,…are taken home to that God who gave them life, where there is a separation, a partial judgment, and the spirits of those who are righteous are received into a state of happiness which is called paradise, a state of rest, a state of peace, where they expand in wisdom, where they have respite from all their troubles, and where care and sorrow do not annoy. The wicked, on the contrary, have no part nor portion in the Spirit of the Lord, and they are cast into outer darkness, being led captive, because of their own iniquity, by the evil one. And in this space between death and the resurrection of the body, the two classes of souls remain, in happiness or in misery, until the time which is appointed of God that the dead shall come forth and be reunited both spirit and body, and be brought to stand before God, and be judged according to their works. This is the final judgment [p. 448].

And in that life it is exactally the same as this life:

The postmortal spirit world is an actual place where spirits reside and “where they converse together the same as we do on the earth” (TPJS, p. 353). “Life and work and activity all continue in the spirit world. Men have the same talents and intelligence there which they had in this life. They possess the same attitudes, inclinations, and feelings there which they had in this life” (MD, p. 762).

The postmortal spirit world is a place of continued preparation and learning. In this sense, it is an extension of mortality. Those who have died without an opportunity to hear the gospel of Jesus Christ will have opportunity to hear and accept it in the spirit world. “The great work in the world of spirits is the preaching of the gospel to those who are imprisoned by sin and false traditions” (MD, p. 762). The faithful elders and sisters who depart this life “continue their labors in the preaching of the gospel of repentance and redemption…Among those who are in darkness” (D&C 138:57; Smith, p. 461; see also Salvation of the Dead).

In doing some more research, I found a list of several key components in the Mormon belief of what they call Salvation of the Dead.  This relates to accepting Jesus in the postmortal spirit life.

1. Life is eternal. Birth does not begin life nor does death end it. In each stage of existence there are ever-higher levels of divine enlightenment and blessedness.
2. Repentance is possible in the next life as well as this one. “There is never a time when the spirit is too old to approach God. All are within the reach of pardoning mercy, who have not committed the unpardonable sin” (TPJS, p. 191).
3. The family bonds extend beyond death. The family bonds that are formed on this earth and consecrated to God by sacred covenants and ordinances are indissoluble and extend into the spirit world. “They without us cannot be made perfect—neither can we without our dead be made perfect” (D&C 128:15; Heb. 11:39-40).
4. Ordinances may be performed for the dead. Through the holy priesthood, held by the prophets in the Church, Jesus Christ has authorized mortals to receive ordinances “of salvation substitutional” [that is, by proxy] and become “instrumental in bringing multitudes of their kindred into the kingdom of God” (TPJS, p. 191).
5. Temple ordinances are not “mere signs.” They are channels of the Spirit of God that enable one to be born of God in the fullest sense and to receive all the covenants and blessings of Jesus Christ. The performing of earthly ordinances by proxy for those who have died is as efficacious and vitalizing as if the deceased person had done them. That person, in turn, is free to accept or reject the ordinances in the spirit world.

I find those extremely hard to believe with what I know to be true of the Gospel.  That all sins are equal in the eyes of God.  And I come to believe that yes, we are bonded till death due us part, because after that we will be forever married to the Bridegroom known as Christ and the church.  We will be one with God.

Its amazing how much one can add on to the Bible.  They would recite this information to me in a manner that used the Bible to justify the Book of Mormon and each of these doctrines.  But the truth behind it is the misuse of exegesis.  Jesus’ word is full, complete, and absolute.  No additional supplement is needed.  The Mormon’s refer to their book as “Another Testament of Jesus Christ” or something like that.  But why is it “another”?  They say it is part of the Bible, but the word “another” is a word I use for “supplemental flavour.”

Be weary.  Things are dangerous.  I am in prayer that I might understand their faith more. That I might learn their faith and be able to share my faith.  As Paul put it, we need to know the enemies faith more than they do.  So that we might become like them to save at least one.

Father I pray for the diligence, boldness, and open heart of love to share with these brothers.  Please keep me open, that I might understand, and they might see You in me.

It has been a crazy week!  Insane times call for extreme conversations.  I have been praying for opportunities to share the gospel and to share my faith and to listen to others that we might grow in a relationship.  Also been praying to be tested.  Well I have some exciting news.  I have been being tested all week and it keeps continuing.  On Friday I had a 3-4 hr. conversation with my coworker talking about our faith– he happens to be a strong Mormon.  This is not our first conversation, and we absolutely love talking about it.  We both believe that we grow when we ask questions, and that being in community and open to others is essential.  Which makes this bond so interesting as we clearly have our differences, but can meet in light of how good God really is.

Coincidentally, yesterday, the Mormon missionaries showed up at our door.  I had thought it was the kids from down the way wanting me to give them a toy again, but to my surprise it was my prayers being answered.

I readily invited them in and gave them some water as it was flippin scorching hot (even in our apartment), and they had to wear those suites haha.  And for the next 1-1.5 hours we were talking about the most interesting subject matter.  Between my coworker buddy and the missionary conversation, we discussed several key components around the perception of faith… To name a few:

• The disappearance of the church between Jesus’ death and Joseph Smith
• The multiple levels of heaven and the general application of each level in relation to that of our soul (Celestial, Terrestrial, and Telestial)
• The magnitude of sin
• The history, life, and death of Joseph Smith– along with his visions, anointment, etc.
• The will and purpose of God and how that relates to the dark ages of the church (my favorite)
• Authority of the church and how it came to the LDS church. (also a favorite)
• Other religions and the single thread of justice, aka golden rule, that joins all religions
• The inspiration, validity, and history of the Book of Mormon
• Gold plates (book of Mormon) and the symbolism of Gold in the Bible.
• The definition of “Good” and how that relates to the Mormon faith

It was clearly a full-featured discussion.  And I excitedly welcome this kind of talk, because if there is a question that I know not the answer, I can look it up– and from there I am strengthened.  These gentleman were very kind, and were somewhat surprised at our welcoming into our home.  It is not often that missionaries get the hospitality that Jesus’ requires of us, and I too am guilty of it.  But I am trying to change my life to love others the way Jesus loved us and eventually died for me.

These questions are not easy to discuss, and I have become more aware at how careful I must speak, because I am no longer representing just myself.  I am now representing a God most Holy, and he must speak through me.  I don’t know what I am talking about, but God has the big picture.  I am not about to change their faith, but God can live in their hearts, and they can begin to ask questions.  I am nothing, He is everything.

Its interesting, because every time I talk with them– they begin by mentioning that we believe in the same basic foundation, love, and faith– But by the end of each conversation I am utterly convinced that the only thing that we can agree on is that there is a God.  Everything else is interpreted differently… Everything.

There is hope, there is Love- there is a dying hunger for me to share and listen with these individuals and with other faiths.  I want to be doing this type of evangelism.  I want to be strong in God’s word so that I might perform great services for God.   With that said, I told them that they should come back soon and we will do a BBQ and talk some more.  But this time, we will all be wearing shorts.

The most recent conversations that I have had with people all relate to one interesting thing…  They mention how strong they are to not feel anything when something bad happens.  Look at our biological makeup men, we are taught and feel like we need to show no emotion– whether it be happiness, sadness, anger, etc.  And in most cases, we have become immune to disaster.  Something happens across the world and if we have no names or faces, we hardly have a reason to feel for them.

Its dangerous.  Emotions are key to life.

Do you believe in fate, destiny or purpose?   This question has been daunting me the last few days because I came to this profound realization and re-realization that I am nothing but a servant.  I can’t really say that I believe in destiny beyond that we were destined to have a purposeful life.  There is no doubt in my mind that I have been blessed– blessed financially, purposefully, career-oriented, merited many awards and medals, many strong friends and family members, etc. but what is it all for?  I am not saying this to give me any glory whatsoever.  I am interested in the meaning behind it…

It also ties into many discussions that I have had with my roommate about our journey together.  We grew up in a small town– check.  But.  I can go so far back with “what ifs” and it is exactly how I got here today:

1. My mom saw an  ad on the morning news and in inspiration thought that it would be beneficial for me to go to a vocational school and learn animation.   So we decided to pursue it cause it would be fun for a teenager.  This would prove to be a miracle in itself.  I was too young to enter the school, but they, for some odd reason, decided to make an exception and accepted me.
2. Without Mr. Burke at RTI, I wouldn’t have had the chance to win multiple awards which improved my resume, artistic value, and cultural awareness.  I expressed a lot of my ideas and faith in my artwork and it received much recognition.
3. Without a successful run at RTI I wouldn’t have gotten a scholarship to go to the art institute of OC to pursue animation.  And my roommate had a large part to play as he was with me along this journey.
4. Without pursuing animation and working at EON Reality, I wouldn’t have exposure to programming…
5. Without my roommates urge to go to this girls birthday (brothers long distance crush on this girl was the only connection we had, never even met her) I would have never heard about Rock Harbor.
6. Without AI, I wouldn’t have been near the church that gave me my biggest awakening to missions (Rock Harbor)
7. Without being a part of Trinet Solutions, EON Reality, and Freelancing, I wouldn’t have ever landed a job at in the 2Advanced spectrum.
8. And now I have a killer job with crazy awesome co-workers, with super cool missional friends and a servant’s life– And the most interesting thing is that I would give it all up if someone would come to know the Love that I have in my heart which only comes from Jesus.

Now, what if all of this was a purposeful chain of blessings that enabled me to talk to someone that needed to hear Christ’s love?  Whether its at my work, my home, my neighborhood– Who knows what kind of effect you have.  These blessings keep us moving in a direction of purpose.  And the realization is, I have been impacting people along the way, and there have been people who have severely impacted my life which God placed in my path.  Just this simple illustration shows that there is a bigger picture, but I could go on for pages and pages about how my journey has been molded by events and experiences and people that have loved me.

Who knows how many people I effected along this journey…  Negatively, or positively.  How many of those people know that they have impacted my life?  And I must say, this is only my career path– There are so many other factors to this story… I am just in awe at its complexity in design and execution… And all I had to do was say, “Yes.”

The more you rely on God, the more he provides.  My new friend told me of his story today.  It flippin blew me away.  He was called to be a missionary and when he first started he needed funding for this trip– it drained all of his funds and he had $2 bucks to his name.  Then the basket came around at church and he felt God saying to give it up.  He did just that, and felt completely reliant on God.  When he was walking out to his car, he met a businessman who wanted to know more about his trip and then wanted to sponsor him with $25,000 to start off.  This meeting eventually became an ongoing thing where he was able to graciously provide for God’s servant.

This gentleman now goes to a different location every 3 weeks or so for the past 7 years relaying the Good News to people in powerful ways.  And he is the most humble servant I have seen.  But it was when he gave his all that his mission started.

Powerful story.  Makes ya think.

Its crazy–

Most of my friends are going on a mission this summer and I cannot tell you how much endurance training we are getting collectively and individually.  My roommate is going to the Philippines, and his team is experiencing funding and a large relational battle between their team members– My awesome friend is going to live in South Africa for a couple of months teaching, and she is faced with finding a new home, funding, and family she will miss.  Two of my other friends are in Haiti right now which I am sure are going through some rough times. The South Africa team is going to Bridges in July and they are experiencing some relational and personality clashes… There are also a few doctors I know that are going to Haiti for dentist visits, and there is always the accommodation and schedule battle.  I am going to Tanzania with my team, and I have been having a difficult time finding funding, and just this morning I had to spend nearly $400 bucks on my truck because it was towed .

But let me tell you, put all of this aside, all of the tribulations– all of the fear– all of the pain, there is something amazing going on here.  All of these tribulations means that we are on the right track, and the Enemy is attempting to slow us down.  We must stand firm in the faith.  Knowing that our brothers around the world (very apparent from the facts above) are enduring the same type of pain (via 1 Peter 5:9).

I can’t talk for the others, but for myself: of course, getting towed was a bummer for me, but looking past it and seeing that it is only a factor of Spiritual Warfare greatly shows that God is so much bigger than a puny 400 bucks.  I have this faith in my God.  I still pray for protection, but these tests are endurance builders.  Stay strong.

What kind of love.

I remember Russell mentioning that missions is a call to worship.  And its interesting because I am looking at the challenge ahead of me, and there is absolutely no logical reason for me to go.  All logic points at me staying here and continuing the great life I have going now.  But its a call to worship?!

I often wonder about this trip to Tanzania, and if it is a permanent thing, what does it mean to me… And WHY does it mean that much to me…

Here’s the thing.  Its a cliche saying, but our whole lives we go searching for something– an unknown satisfaction– an unknown purpose.  And most of us, unfortunately, do not realize that purpose.  And this is because we are searching for the wrong thing.  If we seek purpose in ourselves, we will find failure– but the truth behind our seeking is the finding of worship.

Take a handful of the many African individuals who have had to face reealll tragedy.  They travel from Sudan to Tanzania and Kenya in search of safety, security, and a home because they have lost everything.  This trip is over 1000 miles, and they do it on foot.  This trip isn’t just a relaxing walk either– they are traveling through rebel-infested territory, desert, and forest terrain– resources are limited, medication is non-existant, food is scarce, and loneliness is their worst enemy.  And there is a good chance that they are there alone because they had witnessed their families deaths by a machete right in front of them.  How many of us could say that we have experienced that type of pain?  Not many, but when I look at their life, they have pure joy and continually praise God.  AND on top of it all, when they worship– they worship.  They are dancing, jumping, singing, etc.  But if even one of those things happened to us, or even a diluted version of such tragedy, we would question why God hates us.

I seek the worship that these disciples have.  I admire their joy and want to be in community with them.

What kind of love.