We were going to villages, coffee houses, street vendors, drivers, pastors, mothers, fathers, children, etc.  And they were so eager to hear about Jesus.  They had never heard the Gospel, and it made complete sense to them even with all that they have been through.  For me to sit there, having heard the Gospel my whole life (and eventually became immune to it), was very humbling.  I know the Gospel, and I didn’t respect / realize the power.  The power of the good news is within the Holy Spirit.

I can say this confidently, because so many times: I have started trembling, I have delivered (what I thought) was a cruddy representation of the Truth, and the Holy Spirit intercepts my words and tells their heart the Truth.  He is working, He is working through us. And by no means is it on my power or my words, but I am simply relaying his gift.  He is doing all of the heavy lifting–

Coming home is always a shocker.  Not so much this time, because I knew that the Gospel was mine to share.  I want to share it with everyone, and I might even be called to go to Belize over the new year to share the Good News.  But today I needed to focus on my community.

Evangelism (aka Sharing) is a gift… And I believe it may be something I am gifted with.  Which completely baffles me.  I am a quiet person, I love to listen and to learn, but very rarely do I have words to speak.  But I have noticed, when you talk about the Gospel I am either all words or completely tentative with my ears.  With that said, evangelism is not something you turn on and off with missions trips.  It is something that goes with you all the time.

I have been praying that this passion would continue, and today I saw a man on the corner of Bristol and MacArthur by Chik Filet.  I drove past him on the way to Michaels for some craft stuff.  I heard this voice in me saying to talk to him.  I was like, OK, if he is there on the drive back I will surely stop and talk.  And behold, he was still there–

I went and parked the car, walked all the way over to see him, and offered to grab a meal with him.  He replied that he needs to be on the corner to get some money because he needs money at the moment.  Then God opened the conversation about Jesus.  And it was a great conversation, he had a lot of anger towards God and how he could let so much pain happen to him and in this world, etc.  He is a veteran and generally joyful guy.  Super nice, and his name is Ted.  I had the honor of praying with him, and I ask you now to pray that God would work at his heart, and that these seeds would grow to be a towering tree of life within his heart.  I could tell there was something in his heart that wanted to believe Jesus, there are just layers of doubt and pain that God can take care of.  I pray for you Ted.

God is Good.  What kind of Love.

Its funny, because she will worry and worry about me, and I will jus tsay that everything is going to be okay– but what interests me about her worry, it is the same worry I have for these lost individuals who don’t know Christ.  I worry for their safety, because if they do not receive a chance to know Christ, how can they accept him?  I worry for their well-being, nutrition, education, etc.  These are qualities that my mother utterly longs to provide for me.  And like my mother, I would do anything for them.

And it is truly amazing to view the connection between my mother and father.  They both possess these unparalleled values and have given me quite a foundation to base my faith.  And I couldn’t thank God more for giving me the foundation to go out into this world.

But on a much deeper note, being a parent has been increasingly apparent in my life because of some amazing information.  And I am beginning to see the glory of life, unlike I have ever seen.  I am striving to be an equal combination between my mother and father, and how God was to me.  Being a Father to the Fatherless, being a Mother to the Fearful, and being a ambassador for a God most high.

These are not easy roles.  They cannot be accomplished by even my best efforts.  They can only be accomplished by a Hand greater than ours.

What kind of life.

Dear Africa, you are a very spiritual nation.  With that said, I bring forth my faith, that I am being called to come to you.  I am being called to share my love with you.  I want to share stories with you and learn from you, and maybe in the end share some Africa tea.  I want to experience the world as you experience it, that you might see an eagerness in my heart for you.  I am pursuing you the way that Jesus pursues us that you might know him.

Dear Africa, shall we dance.

Dear Africa, The last time I was there you broke me.

Dear Africa, The last time I was there you found me.

Dear Africa, I am looking to return the favor.  But not in my name– a much bigger name

I was tired last night from the horse races, so I went to bed around 8.  That made me awaken at 3AM the next morning!  I was ready to go.  The world was asleep, and I was in awe.  I went to work and did some letters to the kids, people I know, etc.  Read the Bible.  Got a hair cut right when it opened and taught the hair ladies a little salsa .  A new awesome friend needed help getting some furniture from her old place, so we took care of that.

But I told them I would be there at 12 noon, which means (for me) that I will be there at 11:55 or something like that.  I am very rarely late…  But they were not ready so I just chilled out in the car.  There was this man from Jamaica, and he was chilling in this store.  I said, Lord, if he instigates a conversation or eye contact, I will talk to em.  Before I could finish that prayer, Joe (the gent chillin), said, “You have the best seat in the house!”  So I walked on over there and chatted while the girls were gettin ready.

By the end of the conversation, we had talked about economics, life, worries, and God.  I was able to pray for him that he would draw closer to God and vice versa.

This was a true answer to my prayer, showing that I could do this anywhere rather than just out of the country.  Because everyone needs Jesus  And it was absolutely perfect timing, because I was praying for him, and then I finished the prayer and the girls were walking right over to the truck.  It’s clear that God wanted me to chat with him.  I won’t forget you Joe.

Then we went out to Elsinore jammin some awesome music and she got to see family, friends, people, etc.  Everything worked out perfectly, they even got to see the nice ride through the 74 Ortega highway with all the bikers.

Then I had the mission meeting for Tanzania and have never been more stoked about the people I am going with.  One of the gentleman converted to Christianity a few years ago after being a Mormon for over 50+ years and is super knowledgeable on the subject– he was a respected elder in the church and pointed out some astounding things that they don’t expose.  Another is a renown evangelist that talks with everyone about Jesus, even if he is in the urinals.  Others are evangelists, teachers, translators, etc.  I feel like I am going to inherit their passion and ignite something in me that is going to last the rest of my life.  I feel like these men will be a great example of God’s love, and that I too will be an example.

For being an introvert, I believe my testimony is becoming more and more extroverted.  I am constantly instigating conversations and praying with others unconditionally.  Which is unheard of for me.  Its an absolute change in heart and mission.

We also played a little basketball, and then came home and went right back out for a last celebration of birthday bachata

I am so very tired right now.  So very tired, but inspired.

What kind of love.

I was writing letters to my kids with these pamphlets that they send me.  They have colorful titles, activities, and stuff… They are awesome for these kids.  I can only imagine the joy they have when a sponsor sends their kid a packet.  But the title of this packet was “Study Well.  Dream Big.  Reach High”  and several letters in, it actually hit me.  It hit so hard my eyes were watering as I thought more and more about it.

Where along the way did our dreams get killed?  It is such a steady progress that we don’t even notice that we don’t dream anymore (I use the term lightly).  Some would say that we just “exist.”  That’s when people lose their fire, their passion, their drive, their care.  And that is saddening.

I had to sit there and think about it, what is my dream– or am I one of these people that subconsciously thinks we just, “exist.”  And as I write these inspiring words to these kids, how many of them do I actually display with my life?  How can I possibly say, “Dream Big kid,” when I am afraid to do so myself?

In the Bible, dreams are unbelievably symbolic in their meaning– but I don’t remember the last dream I have had besides being licked to death by legion of popcorns (a dog).  Which I don’t think is terribly symbolic hahahaha.  But, I do dream of something in each day I am alive:

All throughout my day, throughout my night, I ‘dream’ of something glorious.  Something that will be present in my life and allow me to bless others.  I dream of this overflowing passion that will consume my grief, greed, and pride as it pours into this world.  I dream of these relationships that honor the one that Created them, I dream of a passionate fire that longs to see others experience the same peace.

I can’t believe this dream almost passed me by. I had almost forgot about it.  When I started this blog, I didn’t know that was my dream– I started this blog with buckets in the eyes, but as I look at it– I have a dream that surpasses all dreams, but I don’t have to sleep to see it.  I am dreaming it every hour, every second, every moment in my day.

My dreaming is a longing, an utter heart-breaking longing for others to know Jesus.  And he just keeps telling me to follow Him.  But he keeps saying, drop your life and follow Him.  Which is almost a nightmare for me haha.  But in light of who he is, I think its time that I do it.

What kind of love.

I want to love people with the love that I have deep in my heart.  I feel so much joy, and I most certainly can’t contain it.  I need to share it.  And I hope I do it accurately and to the full extent.  I want to know others, and make myself (and Jesus) known.  I don’t want people to see me as a “Holy Warrior,” because I am weak.  I am nothing.

I want the trials and challenges, I want the fear, I want the uncomfortable life.  I want to live an extreme life, that I might not miss any opportunity.  That I might live to my full potential in Christ.  I have been blessed, and I want to bestow those blessings to those around me.

So many uncertain things in life.  I have a girl I like, she is missional– I don’t know where it is going (I have an idea), but I am excited to see if this is something that God wants.  And I pray each day that it would be His will, not my desire.  I also don’t know where I will live, where I will work, etc. in these coming years / months.  I don’t know if I will be doing ministry, or seminary, or missionary work…  I don’t know where my friends will be, I don’t know if I will be alive tomorrow.  But I do know that my purpose is to live life.  My purpose is to love.  My purpose is driven by passion for a fire inside of me.

Lets go.  What kind of love.

Coincidentally, yesterday, the Mormon missionaries showed up at our door.  I had thought it was the kids from down the way wanting me to give them a toy again, but to my surprise it was my prayers being answered.

I readily invited them in and gave them some water as it was flippin scorching hot (even in our apartment), and they had to wear those suites haha.  And for the next 1-1.5 hours we were talking about the most interesting subject matter.  Between my coworker buddy and the missionary conversation, we discussed several key components around the perception of faith… To name a few:

• The disappearance of the church between Jesus’ death and Joseph Smith
• The multiple levels of heaven and the general application of each level in relation to that of our soul (Celestial, Terrestrial, and Telestial)
• The magnitude of sin
• The history, life, and death of Joseph Smith– along with his visions, anointment, etc.
• The will and purpose of God and how that relates to the dark ages of the church (my favorite)
• Authority of the church and how it came to the LDS church. (also a favorite)
• Other religions and the single thread of justice, aka golden rule, that joins all religions
• The inspiration, validity, and history of the Book of Mormon
• Gold plates (book of Mormon) and the symbolism of Gold in the Bible.
• The definition of “Good” and how that relates to the Mormon faith

It was clearly a full-featured discussion.  And I excitedly welcome this kind of talk, because if there is a question that I know not the answer, I can look it up– and from there I am strengthened.  These gentleman were very kind, and were somewhat surprised at our welcoming into our home.  It is not often that missionaries get the hospitality that Jesus’ requires of us, and I too am guilty of it.  But I am trying to change my life to love others the way Jesus loved us and eventually died for me.

These questions are not easy to discuss, and I have become more aware at how careful I must speak, because I am no longer representing just myself.  I am now representing a God most Holy, and he must speak through me.  I don’t know what I am talking about, but God has the big picture.  I am not about to change their faith, but God can live in their hearts, and they can begin to ask questions.  I am nothing, He is everything.

Its interesting, because every time I talk with them– they begin by mentioning that we believe in the same basic foundation, love, and faith– But by the end of each conversation I am utterly convinced that the only thing that we can agree on is that there is a God.  Everything else is interpreted differently… Everything.

There is hope, there is Love- there is a dying hunger for me to share and listen with these individuals and with other faiths.  I want to be doing this type of evangelism.  I want to be strong in God’s word so that I might perform great services for God.   With that said, I told them that they should come back soon and we will do a BBQ and talk some more.  But this time, we will all be wearing shorts.

This gentleman now goes to a different location every 3 weeks or so for the past 7 years relaying the Good News to people in powerful ways.  And he is the most humble servant I have seen.  But it was when he gave his all that his mission started.

Powerful story.  Makes ya think.

Most of my friends are going on a mission this summer and I cannot tell you how much endurance training we are getting collectively and individually.  My roommate is going to the Philippines, and his team is experiencing funding and a large relational battle between their team members– My awesome friend is going to live in South Africa for a couple of months teaching, and she is faced with finding a new home, funding, and family she will miss.  Two of my other friends are in Haiti right now which I am sure are going through some rough times. The South Africa team is going to Bridges in July and they are experiencing some relational and personality clashes… There are also a few doctors I know that are going to Haiti for dentist visits, and there is always the accommodation and schedule battle.  I am going to Tanzania with my team, and I have been having a difficult time finding funding, and just this morning I had to spend nearly $400 bucks on my truck because it was towed .

But let me tell you, put all of this aside, all of the tribulations– all of the fear– all of the pain, there is something amazing going on here.  All of these tribulations means that we are on the right track, and the Enemy is attempting to slow us down.  We must stand firm in the faith.  Knowing that our brothers around the world (very apparent from the facts above) are enduring the same type of pain (via 1 Peter 5:9).

I can’t talk for the others, but for myself: of course, getting towed was a bummer for me, but looking past it and seeing that it is only a factor of Spiritual Warfare greatly shows that God is so much bigger than a puny 400 bucks.  I have this faith in my God.  I still pray for protection, but these tests are endurance builders.  Stay strong.

What kind of love.

So in essence, there are a lot of fears– A lot of things that I worry about– income, security, “destiny” (whether am meant to live here and support, or live there), etc.  And it also makes me wonder if I would regret giving everything up?  When people switch jobs and it isn’t what they expect, they regret it.  When people move to different locations, sometimes they regret it… How many people say, “Oh I wish I had taken advantage of that.”

But let me ask, how many missionaries go out into their calling and say, “Man, I wish I didn’t do that.”?