Thoughts of a Servant

I can’t do anything but sit in awe.

I want to love people with the love that I have deep in my heart.  I feel so much joy, and I most certainly can’t contain it.  I need to share it.  And I hope I do it accurately and to the full extent.  I want to know others, and make myself (and Jesus) known.  I don’t want people to see me as a “Holy Warrior,” because I am weak.  I am nothing.

I want the trials and challenges, I want the fear, I want the uncomfortable life.  I want to live an extreme life, that I might not miss any opportunity.  That I might live to my full potential in Christ.  I have been blessed, and I want to bestow those blessings to those around me.

So many uncertain things in life.  I have a girl I like, she is missional– I don’t know where it is going (I have an idea), but I am excited to see if this is something that God wants.  And I pray each day that it would be His will, not my desire.  I also don’t know where I will live, where I will work, etc. in these coming years / months.  I don’t know if I will be doing ministry, or seminary, or missionary work…  I don’t know where my friends will be, I don’t know if I will be alive tomorrow.  But I do know that my purpose is to live life.  My purpose is to love.  My purpose is driven by passion for a fire inside of me.

Lets go.  What kind of love.

It has been a crazy week!  Insane times call for extreme conversations.  I have been praying for opportunities to share the gospel and to share my faith and to listen to others that we might grow in a relationship.  Also been praying to be tested.  Well I have some exciting news.  I have been being tested all week and it keeps continuing.  On Friday I had a 3-4 hr. conversation with my coworker talking about our faith– he happens to be a strong Mormon.  This is not our first conversation, and we absolutely love talking about it.  We both believe that we grow when we ask questions, and that being in community and open to others is essential.  Which makes this bond so interesting as we clearly have our differences, but can meet in light of how good God really is.

Coincidentally, yesterday, the Mormon missionaries showed up at our door.  I had thought it was the kids from down the way wanting me to give them a toy again, but to my surprise it was my prayers being answered.

I readily invited them in and gave them some water as it was flippin scorching hot (even in our apartment), and they had to wear those suites haha.  And for the next 1-1.5 hours we were talking about the most interesting subject matter.  Between my coworker buddy and the missionary conversation, we discussed several key components around the perception of faith… To name a few:

• The disappearance of the church between Jesus’ death and Joseph Smith
• The multiple levels of heaven and the general application of each level in relation to that of our soul (Celestial, Terrestrial, and Telestial)
• The magnitude of sin
• The history, life, and death of Joseph Smith– along with his visions, anointment, etc.
• The will and purpose of God and how that relates to the dark ages of the church (my favorite)
• Authority of the church and how it came to the LDS church. (also a favorite)
• Other religions and the single thread of justice, aka golden rule, that joins all religions
• The inspiration, validity, and history of the Book of Mormon
• Gold plates (book of Mormon) and the symbolism of Gold in the Bible.
• The definition of “Good” and how that relates to the Mormon faith

It was clearly a full-featured discussion.  And I excitedly welcome this kind of talk, because if there is a question that I know not the answer, I can look it up– and from there I am strengthened.  These gentleman were very kind, and were somewhat surprised at our welcoming into our home.  It is not often that missionaries get the hospitality that Jesus’ requires of us, and I too am guilty of it.  But I am trying to change my life to love others the way Jesus loved us and eventually died for me.

These questions are not easy to discuss, and I have become more aware at how careful I must speak, because I am no longer representing just myself.  I am now representing a God most Holy, and he must speak through me.  I don’t know what I am talking about, but God has the big picture.  I am not about to change their faith, but God can live in their hearts, and they can begin to ask questions.  I am nothing, He is everything.

Its interesting, because every time I talk with them– they begin by mentioning that we believe in the same basic foundation, love, and faith– But by the end of each conversation I am utterly convinced that the only thing that we can agree on is that there is a God.  Everything else is interpreted differently… Everything.

There is hope, there is Love- there is a dying hunger for me to share and listen with these individuals and with other faiths.  I want to be doing this type of evangelism.  I want to be strong in God’s word so that I might perform great services for God.   With that said, I told them that they should come back soon and we will do a BBQ and talk some more.  But this time, we will all be wearing shorts.

The more you rely on God, the more he provides.  My new friend told me of his story today.  It flippin blew me away.  He was called to be a missionary and when he first started he needed funding for this trip– it drained all of his funds and he had $2 bucks to his name.  Then the basket came around at church and he felt God saying to give it up.  He did just that, and felt completely reliant on God.  When he was walking out to his car, he met a businessman who wanted to know more about his trip and then wanted to sponsor him with $25,000 to start off.  This meeting eventually became an ongoing thing where he was able to graciously provide for God’s servant.

This gentleman now goes to a different location every 3 weeks or so for the past 7 years relaying the Good News to people in powerful ways.  And he is the most humble servant I have seen.  But it was when he gave his all that his mission started.

Powerful story.  Makes ya think.

Its crazy–

Most of my friends are going on a mission this summer and I cannot tell you how much endurance training we are getting collectively and individually.  My roommate is going to the Philippines, and his team is experiencing funding and a large relational battle between their team members– My awesome friend is going to live in South Africa for a couple of months teaching, and she is faced with finding a new home, funding, and family she will miss.  Two of my other friends are in Haiti right now which I am sure are going through some rough times. The South Africa team is going to Bridges in July and they are experiencing some relational and personality clashes… There are also a few doctors I know that are going to Haiti for dentist visits, and there is always the accommodation and schedule battle.  I am going to Tanzania with my team, and I have been having a difficult time finding funding, and just this morning I had to spend nearly $400 bucks on my truck because it was towed .

But let me tell you, put all of this aside, all of the tribulations– all of the fear– all of the pain, there is something amazing going on here.  All of these tribulations means that we are on the right track, and the Enemy is attempting to slow us down.  We must stand firm in the faith.  Knowing that our brothers around the world (very apparent from the facts above) are enduring the same type of pain (via 1 Peter 5:9).

I can’t talk for the others, but for myself: of course, getting towed was a bummer for me, but looking past it and seeing that it is only a factor of Spiritual Warfare greatly shows that God is so much bigger than a puny 400 bucks.  I have this faith in my God.  I still pray for protection, but these tests are endurance builders.  Stay strong.

What kind of love.

Wow it has been a while since I have done anything  on this blog.  So many things have been going through my head regarding Tanzania, along with many other things.  What would it look like to live in Tanzania. How much time would it take me to adapt to the culture, language, people, food, worship, etc.

So in essence, there are a lot of fears– A lot of things that I worry about– income, security, “destiny” (whether am meant to live here and support, or live there), etc.  And it also makes me wonder if I would regret giving everything up?  When people switch jobs and it isn’t what they expect, they regret it.  When people move to different locations, sometimes they regret it… How many people say, “Oh I wish I had taken advantage of that.”

But let me ask, how many missionaries go out into their calling and say, “Man, I wish I didn’t do that.”?

What a day.  We went on an Game Drive and saw Lions, Zebras, Rhinos, Wilderbeasts, etc.  It was quite a day.  They also served buffet breakfast and a buffet lunch.  Then we came back and had ZA’s got talent.  These kids are so skilled.  They can sing, dance, act, etc.  It just blows me away.  To top it all off, we had a bon fire and sang worship songs!

Today was a little hard for me.  I had so many emotions running through my mind–  Deb and Emily’s song Amazing Grace had just wrecked me.  There is something profound in a voice that has a distinguished relationship to Gods love.  Singing is cross-culture, and spiritual.

We woke up to another great day of worship at 7:30 AM.  We had our devo groups with the kids this morning.  We decided to take the majority of the time to pray for the kids.  We exchanged prayers for eachother and it was actually pretty cool.

Then I ended up going to the church to try and troubleshoot some more IT stuff, but nothing was really working.  Also encountered a special type of soup– called smiley soup.  Smiley soup is a delicately cooked pile of intestine followed by half of a goat head.  Tastey   So I went over to Sweet Home where I was able to play with the kids and listen to Deb and Kenny give their instruction on child care to the CHEs.  It was the hardest time leaving them– I will forever remember a 2 year old girl who just loved us, and she was left all alone looking at us driving away into the dust, paused as though time had stopped and she wanted the previous moments of fun to last.

Although it was hard to leave, a really cool event was going on at the Academy.  Michael, Mitch and I went to make a cross out of some wood, and everything was pretty much provided for…  Two pieces of long-wood were not nailed down so that we could use them, there was rope nearby.  We came in and finished up the choose to wait seminar.  Bulailani was one of the first to come forth– I really admire that man.  He is amazing.  He is going to go so far–

But we were able to pray for each other again.  There was so much prayer today, it is amazing.  The more you love God, the more you want to spend your time in prayer.  Its absolutely amazing.  We even had our team meeting which was pretty much affirmations and prayer.  We prayed over a staff member because he wasn’t going to see us leave, and we just wanted to lift him up as we went out of ZA and he remained here doing the work of the Lord.

Woke up at 7:30AM for devotions.  Had a breakaway discussion with the kids about like and love.  They say that if you tell a girl you Love her, that immediately means that you want to have sex with her.  They said that you would tell a girl this on the first date or upon first meeting.  Sandi was feeling something at the end of our discussion.  Tears were in his eyes, but we couldn’t draw it out.

Taught some salsa lessons to the kids today, it was super fun.  They were jammin!  Some of the girls were phoenominal in their picking up of the women’s styling.  Also planted some trees around the landscape.

My favorite part of the day was listening to Deb sing.  She was absolutely amazing in her voice, and she sings like angels.  She reminded me of childhood memories and nearly brought me to tears listening to her.  But I was around 6/7th graders, I couldn’t let them see it.  This was the homework session, the 6/7th graders didn’t have any homework, so we relaxed with them.  We also played hangman which some of the girls would put some 30 words in the hangman sentence.

The sweet home team had an amazing day– It was gloomy, it was dangerous, windy, cold.  Two tires blew out in a very dangerous part of town, but everything worked out fantastically.  Once they made it to sweet home, they began playing and praying with kids, and by the end of the day several kids accepted Jesus as their savior.

We started the day with another awesome worship. Today for the mini-devotionals we decided to have the kids lead it instead of us.  That went well as we were able to answer their questions.

We went to sweet home and tipped the CHE’s on how to run a business. It was interesting to see how they ran their business currently and how they expected to run it.  I am blessed to have taught beside Michael whom had a beautiful outline in his mind and brought it like it was butter.

We came back to an awesome photo-scavenger hunt in which kids needed to take pictures with eachother.  After that Julius and I ran off to the Academy to finish off our poem that we were writing on Brotherhood.  It turned out pretty amazing.  I hope to have a bio published on that kid or Nqaba or whatnot.  These kids are remarkable, I would also like to get some of their stories on video so that we can share them with people.

Fraternity

Two friends,
on this pleasant earth,
seperated at birth.

We had a great prayer discussion with Peter and a great debriefing before we headed off to bed– at least the reast of the team.  I needed to blog, journal, and prep for tomorrow.  Awesome. :

Seperate in culture,
Seperate in time,
Seperate in strength,
Seperate in rhyme–

Me and my friend
are two nations.

No–

We are One Nation.
We cry together.
We are burdened.
We are one flesh.

A divine fraternity,
based on trust–
Providing safety
is a must

One Movement,
One Body,
One Shield,
One Army.

We are the Army of God–
We fight the Battle together.

Julius & Jon–
Jesus & I.

Julius & Jon: Divine Fraternity Poem Video

Today we woke up at a glorious 8am to meet yet the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen.  It was an absolutely amazing day.  Blue skies, red mountains, beautiful trees, nice weather– it was amazing.

Church service was at 9am, and it went to 11:30, although it was long, no one felt it because it was so impactful.  We showed them a Rockharbor service by taking communion, some songs, and an awesome service by Michael…  He shared about his past and what went on in his life and how he came to know Christ and how transformation and healing is now present in his life.  Nono also shared her testimony on her life and how God impacted her.  There were even a few others that shared, then we closed in prayer, praise songs, and an amazing time.

I began to write a poem with Julius in which I am hoping will be awesome!  It will be about the brace of brotherhood and what it means to us.

We also did an awesome game of soccer with the Academy.  It ended in a tie game– but it was filled with some awesome shots.

Sinetimba wanted to give us a run-down on politics and political history in ZA, so he pulled us aside and he did a panel discussion.  It was very informative.

Had an ice cream social with the team and kids, and that went well– on top of that we just hung out with them and just talked and embraced the absolutely amazing day.

Then we had a nice affirmation session with the ZA-RH crew.  It was awesome.