Thoughts of a Servant

Yes, crazy title. Cause men are crazy.

I can definately see where women get their perception of us.  I hate the perception, but its true.  Even men of God struggle with the addiction and temptations of  lust, masculinity, and women.  I have been praying that God will bring the right girl into my life– (some people say I am too young to be thinking like this, but hear me out).  But sometimes I wonder why it hasn’t happened, and if he has a bigger plan (which I am excited about).  And while I know that I would embrace that person, it is more important to me that it is in God’s will.  I am at the point where its okay if I don’t have that girl, but only if God tells me.

I recently started liking this girl (I can see something amazing in her).  She carries this level of faith and a missional lifestyle that I admire greatly as it mirrors me.  And I now, for the first time, realize the importance of equally yoked.  I always thought of it from the man’s point of view where I could be a firm foundation in God for a family, and that I could live as a man of compassion.  But I never realized how much weight and spiritual / physical turmoil the man will encounter, and that is where the woman comes in.  Without even doing anything, a woman makes a man feel like a man.  That instills courage, persistence, work ethics, alpha protector, etc.  And on top of that, they talk (moreso ) / listen!  Of course, the woman’s role is essential to the relationship.  They are in fact, more important than the man being a man.  But thats for another post, another day.

Wild at Heart explains a man in persuite of Eve, a woman that has beauty that is only a glimpse of God’s glory that is still even to great for the eye.  Men also need to find their masculinity within themselves in order to harness the defined structure that God has given.  They must be able to feel like a man, in order to be a man.  This is an extraordinary book, and I highly recommend it for anyone.

One thing I had heard, and it was reinforced by the book, was the fact that pornography is a easy way for men to get the gratification of viewing / pursuing ’Eve’ without the repercussions of reject, denial, and fear.  This is the very reason that it is so easy to fall into this addiction.  It is having an affair with someone without ever having to deal with the STDs / risk of being caught.  It is also available whenever you want, with whatever category you want.

While I sit back and look at men my age embracing this lifestyle, I can only see pain and suffering occur.  But I can also sympathize, I have struggled with this in the past, embraced it for a good amount of time, and to this day struggle with it.  It will be a lifelong struggle as it will only get harder– but the one thing I love about God is that no matter how many times I fall, I have those around me and God himself right there beside me.

Now, I will say that as I become a more firm believer in my faith, I get more and more crushed every time I sin.  This goes for anything, If I yell at someone out the window (for being on the phone, eating a sandwich, doing their makeup, playing dominoes, drinking coffee and driving at the same time), if I cruise the internet at places I shouldn’t be, if I think bad things about someone– God hears everything I think / see / do– I know he does– and he is right there beside me….. weeping.  With that imagery with me at all times, my heart can do nothing but weep.  The conviction is heavy on my heart and I feel the compassion when I say that I am sorry.  But he is mighty to save, and these problems are minor to what he has in store for you.

You and I are precious to him.  We have qualities, gifts, etc that he loves.

What kind of love is this?

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