Thoughts of a Servant

I started this blog a while back to write about my day, my life, etc.  It was a way for me to start recording my daily thoughts– But I realized today that this blog is more than my life, and I don’t suppose its about me either.  Its interesting to see that it started out about me, but as I grow in my faith it becomes more about how God is working in and through me.

Looking back at the beginning, I thought I was a believer– I thought I was a strong follower.  But where I am at makes me wonder (and I think a little scared) to think of where I was before.  But I am also scared to say that I have so much more to go.  I believe in God, he is my Lord and Savior, but I am a work in progress

Today is New Years Eve, and I am not one to make New Year’s resolutions– I would, however, make a life-long resolution.  I need to decrease and he must increase (John 3:30).  I am just about as good as dirt, but my name will be written in the Book of Life.

It hurts when you pursue someone with your heart.  And I never realized how careful you need to be with your faith.  I gave the option of a red or white rose, and a white was chosen.  While disappointed, I knew that God would use that in amazing ways.  This disappointment would me momentary, but something would happen that would encourage greater growth.

Last night I was out on my salsa dancing night.  Somehow the word spread of how gentleman-like I can be and how “Christian” I am– if you will.  A couple of girls were either testing me or trying to check my motives.  They tried to cause me to stumble, but found that I really am a man of my faith– and they admired that and wondered how I could keep it .  Another girl said that she admired me and wanted her son to grow up like me.  I was also told that I have a lot of elements of “Yogui” in me… Because I am calm, kind, etc.  While I wish a red rose was picked, you have to admit, there are so many changes in people when they hear that there is a good form of kindness– a good gentleman– a decent person that won’t, “want to get in their pants.”

My pastor just finished a sermon series on “Living a life that demands explanation”   I believe that this is what these girls are seeing…  They notice something different, something completely unheard of– and they want to know more about it.

Ill be okay in time, but it certainly helps to know that growth is present.

I just thought I would take a second to say Happy Birthday to Jesus and thank Him for everything he has done.

Thank you for the trees and their beautiful scent.
Thank you for the sky, clouds, and snowfall.
Thank you for laughter, peace, singing, and hot coco.
Thank you for dog slobber and wet muddy paws.
Thank you for the love of a family.
Thank you for the care of friends.
Thank you for joy of life.

Thank you for giving your life for mine.

Today we celebrate the most important Birthday.

Happy Birthday Heavenly Father.

Its interesting.  I have gone through my slow time where you know God is there with you, but you don’t really feel Him… You know he is moving you in your life, but you still think your on your own.  You believe, trust and acknowledge Him, but it is just a time in life when you can’t see Him.  I have come back to my passionate Love that I feel towards God.  I have never been more content with my life even though so many negative things are happening.  But what scares me, it seems like a cycle:

1. Your on FIRE for God and no one can stop you, you talk to anyone and everyone.
2. You slowly lose that fire by people dulling you down and criticizing / ridiculing / suppressing you.  Its scary because it is not noticable… It is a silent enemy that slowly gets to you over time.  You slowly become hidden and more reserved about your faith.
3. You go through a period where you struggle, get tested, face temptation, and maybe even wonder if there IS a God.
4. After a period of pain, you find beauty in the pain– God’s plan becomes known to you and you are renewed with Fire…  Often you are wondering why you even questioned God.

Its a hard cycle, but its bullet proof.  God never gives us more than we can handle, and He knows our will and our heart.  Some people refer to these hard times as God testing us, but I think he is not testing us, he is strengthening us.  Think about it, we have these times of pain, but that is the time that we learn, grow the most.  If we didn’t have those struggles, we wouldn’t know how to relate to someone else and encourage them. If we didn’t know pain, we couldn’t mourn for those who are in pain.

For me, I am extremely happy.  I am even happy when there is pain knowing that God is working.  (Not saying it makes the pain easy, it just becomes more tolerable knowing that I have God on my side).  But this vicious cycle shows that if you are being persecuted, you are doing something right– you are growing in your faith, you are being tested.

This even goes back to when I first came back from my Africa trip.  I began having all of these conversations with my friends who practice Islam, Yogui, Mormonism, etc.  Those conversations made me dive even deeper into my faith by reading, researching, etc.  And there is no doubt that I was being tested.  But after that, I had a dull period where no one wanted to talk or even engage in any form of “religious” conversation.  But during that time, I was able to digest what I had researched, further the foundation of my beliefs and prepare for the next round.

I was sitting at lunch today ready to start reading when a though hit me.  I remembered a conversation I had with my friend a while back about his search for a valid Religion.  He mentioned he sat down and went through several religions including Mormonism, Christianity, Buddhism, Athiesm, etc. and he came to a conclusion:  Mormonism better suited his beliefs and answered his questions in a way that he could understand.

I thought that was a somewhat valid reason as he sat down and educated himself in different ways to see different options in their good and bad light.  But it hit me hard today, he found a religion that best suited him rather than a religion that best facilitated a relationship?  I donno, I am still workin on explaining it– but the concept is there.

I find myself looking for the right package to fit my needs–  Ill go with Time Warner over Cox because they are cheap and offer many package deals… Ill go with Southwest when their price is cheaper and they have comfortable seating… Ill go to a certain church if I like the pastor and the music.  But what is this?!  Its not right for me to choose to go to Church.  I really should find Joy in going, but I should also have to go as that is what God wants me to do.  I shouldn’t go if I am going to be critical of the message, or if I don’t like the music, or if they turn / leave the lights on.

For my buddy to say that he found a religion that suits him is like saying that he is more supreme than god in a sense.  Because God isn’t trying to fit our needs, he is trying to give us a gift.  But we take His gift minimally as a satisfactory way of living.

One of my buddy’s responses was that he had all of his questions answered.  And the next thing that hit me today about that statement was the fact that there are going to be things that we shouldn’t be able to answer.  If we were fully capable of answering everything, why would we need God?

Francis Chan did a sermon on You Have Everything You Need.  A point that really stood out to me was rejoicing in the right things.  There is a good point, we shouldn’t rejoice in the fact that ministry is “going well.”  We shouldn’t rejoice in church funds or personal funds being met– We should rejoice in the fact that our name is in the Book of Life.

¹ There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

² a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

³ a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3

There is a time for everything.  As I sit here, it has never been more prominent in my life, that there is a time for everything.  There is a time for relationships, there is a time to be single, there is a time to be loud, there is a time to be silent.  There is a time to be courageous, there is a time to be passive.

The beauty behind this is: God gave us that instinct to know what time it is.  He has given us the gift of a living human to be able to act on time.

How wonderful.

I was reading Ecclesiastes today–  it hit home.  The truth behind it all is that anything we do is basically chasing the wind.  Any type of wealth that we earn, any cars that we own, ANYTHING on this earth is worthless.  You will not be remembered for your acts (maybe for a short while, but eventually your name will die).  You may have your face on a book, but who are they to praise?  When you have died, nothing else matters.  So why put your trust in this world?

I feel kinda creepy saying that, almost as if my computer is reading this as I type it and its planning an attack on me for doing so.  But honestly, I feel like I would give every last penny to someone who didn’t know Christ if that would make them come to Christ.  I would do anything for a brother.

It brings me back to a story I heard when I was younger.  A man had taken his son, age of 12, and his son’s friend, age of 10 out on a sea fishing trip.  He had an amazing relationship with his son, as they grew up together, side by side– he was his right-hand-man.  But the story goes on to say that the boat capsized and the two boys had slid off seperate sides of the bow.  The man was in the middle and immediately knew that he only had the chance to save one of them.  He didn’t have much time to choose.  His choice, was in the Spirit.  He had chosen to save his son’s friend…. He realized that his son had a relationship with God, and that he would one day see him again.  But his friend did not believe in God, and the father wanted him to have a chance to also see his son again.

What a devoted follower of Jesus, acting as that of Abraham.  Willing to sacrifice his own son that he might save another soul.  Then again, what a very difficult decision made by the father.  How long he will have to live with that situation, but with the comfort of knowing that his son was with him for a short time, and he will soon be with him again.  And that his son will be waiting as he sits next to the Almighty Creator of the Heavens and the Earth.

I have been doing some research on different religions…  There is so much out there.  Something for every preference of life.  If you are skinny, there is a religion for that– If you are blond, theres a religion for that– If you believe ketchup is the saving grace of world, there is probably a religion for that as well.

But I have been reading up on the backround of Yoga lately.  And just from my initial readings, if you were to compare it to Christianity, you would just be blown away at how simple Christianity is.  Yoga has several different paths like Raja, Karma, Hatha, Bhakti, etc.  Under each of those, they study different levels and rituals of spiritual bonding between you and the Godhead.  Some of these include Tantras, some of them rituals, etc.  And you can believe in anything you want.

But in Christianity, its basically broken down into the four steps:

1. Creation: God created us and it was Good.

2. The Fall: Man sinned and forever would suffer from eternal damnation

3. Redemption: Jesus died for our sins that we would be reconciled with God and come to Him once again.

4. Restoration: God lives within us, and renewed us and redeems us of all of our transgressions.

Sometimes I wonder if complicated religions become so large and bloated with “todo’s” and “becauses” because they cannot simply explain the phenomenon that happens in this world.  But in reality, there is joy in not being able to explain everything– if we could explain everything, then why would God need to exist?

Russell, my roommate, found a line in this book the other day.  It is a great thought: Isn’t it sufficient enough to say that there is a God because He is a loving, caring, and sorrowful God (who created us in his image),  and that is the reason why we know that pain, and hurtful actions of this world are wrong?

Some people consider me young.  Some consider me naive. And some just think i’m plainly stupid haha.  While some of that might be true, I have put a lot of thought into who I am supposed to be in a relationship (not only with a girl, but with people in general, and more importantly, with God).  I just thought I would jot a few thoughts down on some characteristics per relationship in my eyes.

Often when we think of men, we generally think of them as one of these things (or some combination of them): (1) the cowboy: a man who works all day, parties a bit at night, likes family, likes home-cookin, and loves his truck, (2) the gansta: a man who strives for wealth, cars, money, and the ultimate high within power and satisfaction, (3) the priest: a man who has devoted his life to God and is often considered too religious, or (4)  numb: doesn’t feel pain, sorrow, emotion, and continues on their own path without taking notice to anyone else.

Okay, I stereotyped a few categories– but honestly, can you find a little of yourself in each of those categories?  I think I have gone through all of those stages, and its interesting to see the elements that I use from each category to create my own personality.  But a lot of what I chose from those categories influences how I interact with people and deal with situations.  But as a follower and lover of Jesus, I think there are a few key foundations that really, really move my interaction and perception of people.

A few of these thoughts came from ManCode and Unleashing Courageous Faith.  Two great books I highly recommend reading.

Relationships with People

I have had people tell me that I am extremely quiet.  Thats very true– could part of it be because I am an only child? Perhaps– But I believe it is because I have been in trouble by saying something that I am not supposed to.  I have grown accustomed to listening over speaking.  I was reading Ecclesiastes today and it mentioned a wise man who speaks many words is no longer wise / meaningful.  By that definition, I must be pretty wise if I don’t talk.  I could probably pull off Platonic views by replying with a question all the time.

But honestly, what does it look like to have a man of God in a crowd of people?  For this situation, I would have to say that whatever I do, wherever I go, whenever others see me, they must know that I am a Child of God.  For instance, I think it is okay to go have a beer with the guys.  However, I do not drink in excess– I do not consider it bad to dance Bachata with a girl, but I do not go chasing tail.  We are called to go out into the world, and as Paul puts it, become like them so that you might save one.

Dudes in a Relationship

This one is where I have put much time into discovering what it is I am supposed to be.  A lot of that is because I have grown up with the stereotype that men before me have established.  Men can come off as lazy, ignorant, ruthless, seeming not to care, etc.  And I am sad to say that in my generation,  the “gangsta” stereotype has immersed itself into men my age.  The very honorable principle of chivalry has depleted to a mere subtle request for sex– and women have almost grown to accept that men generally think like this.

This is the reason I spend so much time focusing on my relationships.  I do not want to be anything like they are expecting.  This is not me saying this so I can get laid– I am saying this because I have a great deal of respect for women.  Just as a side note to show you how prominent the “gangsta” persona is: I told a guy at a salsa club that I have a great deal of respect for women– and then he went on this long rant and concluded it by saying (exact words), “You are putting the pussy on the pedestal.”  Women, who have talked with this guy, now expect me to act the same way as him (guilty by association).

In a relationship, a man should be a gentleman– He should care for his girlfriend / wife.  They should each be held accountable for things of sin.  A man should not make finding a woman his mission in life, because he will get bored, and want another girl to spice things up again.    Instead, a man should have a mission of serving others– and the woman can then join in on the mission, and together they will server others as Jesus did,  grow toward one another, learn about each other, and most importantly, grow in Christ.

A man should be strong in faith, slow to anger, a leader when needed, but willing to listen to his girl’s thoughts, dreams, aspirations, and even their dislikes, critiques, sorrows, etc.  He should also be freeform, willing to grow in different directions.

Is this a lot to ask of a guy?  OH YEAH!  But the thing is, we are not perfect– But we should spend our lives trying to live out these expectations.  God knows our heart, he knows that we are not perfect– That is why He sent His own Son Jesus.  Now we must spend our lives living as Jesus did.

Relationship with God

Very important.  Saving the best for last.

God needs to be, needs to be, a man’s foundation.  It is where they will find their strength, their kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.  It is also where they will find their Love.  For a man to have strength and a relationship with Christ, is a man that will grow and prosper in things not of this world, but of Love, trust, encouragement, and happiness.

Conclusion

For me, it’s imperative that my life consists of these relational guidelines.  I struggle with it so often, and I am positive that I will struggle with it for the rest of my life. I am also positive that I will mess up, but I just pray that whenever I fall, whenever I stray, whenever I feel lonely– that I put my trust in Jesus, and in that I will find the strength that will support people around me, and in my relationship.